Well, I am growing out my hair.

My mom bought me a new hairdryer when I went off to college. It was black and a bit of a workhorse, but not in that “I spend way too much energy on my hair” sort of way.

One of my roommates had the exact same hairdryer, so I put a sticker of a dancing lobster from The Little Mermaid on mine so that we could tell them apart.

I have been out of college for 11 years and that hairdryer is still kicking. Except … that I left it at my parents’ house by mistake two years ago. I didn’t realize this until I was back at my place the next morning and I had to use an oscillating fan to dry my hair before work. I bought myself a new, not as workhorse-ish hair dryer, and it’s ok, but it lacks that certain somethingsomething – namely that it doesn’t smell like smoke like the other one.

Continuing my rich history of receiving hair dryers as gifts, Mr. Wonderful bought me a hairdryer to keep at his house. It’s the same model as the one I bought for my house. I thought this was a very sweet gesture, and it made me feel at home on those mornings when I attempted to look normal and not all “Dude, I totally shacked last night.”

This spring, after only a few months in service, the hairdryer at Mr. Wonderful’s house crapped out. No smoke, no noise, nothing. It was a chilly spring day, and I let the car heater dry my hair as I drove to Corporate Behemoth. Once there, I pulled my styling goop and can of hairspray out and finished my hair in the ladies’ room.

That night, I went to Target and bought another of the exact same hairdryer. Got it back to Mr. Wonderful’s only to find that the old one wasn’t broken – we’d just tripped a breaker.

Because I’m lazy and hate returning stuff, I just kept the extra hairdryer in his linen closet, figuring that someday I will need it.

Now, I have three of the exact same hairdryer. Three hairdryers at my house. Because Mr. Wonderful and I broke up.

I left his house with three Target bags full of my stuff. It’s like I never existed.

What the fuck am I going to do with three hairdryers? Even with my Raquel Welch wig-esque hair, I do not under any circumstances require the drying power of three hairdryers.

And more importantly, what the fuck am I going to do without my best friend?

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