Nobody loves me like you do.

Tonight, I was supposed to have date number three with Mr. Date Guy. He had suggested we go listen to some live music, so I scoured the paper for options. I came up with two: a wine bar downtown with jazz or a midtown bar with … a Journey cover band. Oh, yeah.

In the interest of time, I will condense three phone calls into one paragraph. Mr. Date Guy didn’t want to listen to music anymore. He wanted to cook dinner together. And then he decided that he wanted to just watch a movie – preferably at my house – and that he would bring over one of his favorites. When I nixed that idea and suggested we just meet for a drink, he called me back and announced that he was tired but wants to go on a day trip with me when he’s back in town in two weeks.

I literally told him to have his people call my people.

And maybe, if I’m bored out of my mind and / or have a brain tumor, I’ll call you back. I wish I’d been ballsy enough to add this last part, instead of being all nicey-nicey “Uh-huh, sure. Take care!” I am a wuss.

So. I’m dancing around my house, listening to Barry Manilow and trying to figure out a way to choose a winner to my haiku-tastic Fabulous Valentine’s Day Gift Pack giveaway. This is hard! So many worthy, worthy poets. Thank you all.

Here are a few that made me guffaw:

From the lovely DallasDiva:
Amaretto Sour
You make me far happier than
Any boy with hands

Dorrie hits the nail on the head:
I love you so much
Here’s your stupid Hallmark card
And crappy candy

Cerwydwyn might be bragging a bit, but she makes us laugh:
My husband does not
give gems, kisses or candy
but he’s good in bed.

I also had several submissions that were quite kind and generous, and fed my soul. I think I’m going to write this one from Green Girl on my forehead, backwards, so I can see it in the mirror every day:
My dear Noodleroux
has a heart like a bright star
its points reach and glow

Oh goodness.

And now, the title of Miss Haiku 2009 goes to … LaDue & Crew, for her oh-so-true poetic description of my future:
Future Cha Cha beau
Treat her like a Princess or
Your hiney will hurt

And yes, I admit that Ms. LaDue got extra credit for postponing sex with her hubby in order to write haikus. I like that kind of dedication in a poet.

As a side note … you know how many pageants have that one girl who is just a step away from a career in the adult entertainment industry? Like Amy Adams’ character in Drop Dead Gorgeous? Yeah. I had a haiku like that. My friend CB submitted it via e-mail because it was so wicked and wonderful. E-mail me if you want to read it. It will make you howl at the expense of some people I’ve written about lately. Heh heh heh.

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