Uptown Saturday night.

It’s Saturday night. You know what that means!

Yes. I watched We: Television for Women. And I cleaned.

On We, I watched a bit of Under the Tuscan Sun. And by “watched a bit,” I mean “watched the entire movie but it’s ok because I’ve never seen it and I’ve never been to Tuscany so really it was educational.”

And by “cleaning,” I mean that I took a shovel to the disaster that is my office. I can now see the surfaces of both of my desks (computer and crafty). I also found approximately 17 books that were hiding beneath dust bunnies.

Of those incognito books, I found not one but two copies of The Secret Garden. You’d think with two copies of this classic, I must have adored it as a kid. But really? I have a very generous aunt who owned a toy store.

I’ve never read The Secret Garden. Auntie C, I’m so sorry! I’ve also never read Little Women or any of those late elementary school / junior high classics. I sort of jumped right from Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume to Jeffrey Archer and Phyllis Whitney.

What? It was the 80s.

So, I think I need to read The Secret Garden. Just, you know, because. And I opened one of my very nice, hardback copies to find a bookmark, so maybe I started reading it at some point. That bookmark? My third grade dental card.

I had totally forgotten about dental cards! You were supposed to go for a check up and then the dentist would sign and date this yellow dental card for you to give your teacher. The teacher would then take the easy route on bulletin board design and post the class’ dental cards. For the entire year.

Now, this particular dental card reports that I saw the dentist on August 18, 1983. My mom’s neat handwriting filled out my name, the date and my teacher’s name. And the dentist signed the bottom of the card. But on the back? On the back, there’s an “Oral Health Guide.”

Because I am nasty, my gut reaction was, “Oh, I got your oral health right here.”

But then I read the fine print, most of which is about nutrition. The design, which is dated 1979, is a fiesta of passive-voice copy (way to send this editor into cardiac arrest). And it says that you should include a quart of vitamin D milk and six teaspoons of butter “or fortified margarine” in your diet every day.

Isn’t a quart of milk, like, really a lot? Not being a big milk drinker, that one sort of heebs me out. But the butter? Well, if my dentist insists that I eat butter every day, who am I to disagree?

I’m a believer in real butter. A few years ago, I stopped shopping for the lowest trans fat margarine and just started buying sticks of butter. I keep a stick of butter in a covered glass butter dish next to my toaster.

Yes. I eat butter every day. Because sometimes, it’s just about quality of life. Which really, is the theme for my Saturday night.

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