The dachshunds are curled up on the couch, still exhausted from hosting book club last night. And their mama? Well, when I got home around 7 tonight, I skipped the whole “changing out of my work clothes” business and just put on my nightgown. I only realized later that I still have to take out the trash.
I’m just going to wait until it’s dark.
So, our evening of uneventful channel surfing turned into something serious and worthwhile. I happened upon a powerful documentary on PBS called Be Good, Smile Pretty. It’s the story of woman whose father was killed in Vietnam when she was just three months old – and her quest to get to know her dad.
In some ways, her quest seems incredibly selfish. As she implores her mother, her dad’s family, his comrades, his Annapolis classmates for information, she brings up painful memories and pokes at wounds that never heal.
I have a hard time seeing anguish.
But really? This documentary is a story about honesty and asking the difficult questions. It’s also a bit of a scavenger hunt, trying to make something tangible out of memories. Trying to make sense of it all.
And tonight? Tonight, I’m just tired. And homesick. And sad. And realizing that as much as I was sick and tired of being so damned sad, I’m still not over the grief of the last year. I wouldn’t dream of comparing the two situations, but … tonight, I can relate to feeling a void.
So, it was nice to have an excuse to cry.