Ivan Drago would call his mom.

Remember my theory about the evil Russian ice skater actually being the evil love child of that dude from Def Leppard, Barry Manilow, and Wayne Gretsky?


I was talking to my mom and we were comparing notes on The Bolympics … and also noting that we will never, ever pronounce it properly after Poochie’s infatuation with The Bolympics started in 1984 … before he’d fully mastered the English language.


Mom: That Push-whatever guy?

Me: Yeah?

Mom: He reminds me of someone.

Me: I know!

Mom: But I can’t quite put my finger on it. But I know him.

Me: I’ve got it all figured out.

Mom: Yeah?

Me: Yeah. He’s the guy from Def Leppard …

Mom: I don’t know who that is.

Me: I know. Stick with me. It’s the guy from Def Leppard, Wayne Gretsky, and … well, your favorite artist and mine, Barry Manilow.

Mom: (shocked silence)

Me: Mom?

Mom: Oh. My. God.

Me: Mom?

Mom: Oh. Shit.

Me: Mom?

Mom: You’re so right. I don’t want Barry to be involved in anything so evil, but you’re right!

And … scene!

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