The bomb was at the transmitter.

I haven’t been writing much lately. Oh, sure, I’ve been busy making my bed every single day and hanging out with My Guy and shopping with my mom for attire for Poochie’s wedding. But also? My home phone and DSL have been out since last Wednesday.

Now, what does it say about my track record with AT&T customer service that I’ve lived without Internet for almost a week? I desperately wanted the issue to just fix itself and I gave it five whole days to do it. Even though it meant depending on Ione the iPhone as my only connection to the outside world.

Yes. I hate the phone company that much.

I once wrote a four-page letter, detailing a customer service nightmare that entailed me spending a total of eight (8!) hours on the phone with AT&T’s billing department. And I sent that letter to all of the senior vice presidents I could find. And it still took some super senior CSR like four days to fix the issue. But the real issue? No one ever apologized for a mistake the company made.

I am seriously tempted to just cancel my home phone and my DSL and live without it until I move. Seriously. Assuming I will someday sell my house.

Except! Did you know that if you go to and try to enter a service ticket, they give you step-by-step instructions on how to open up your phone box and test your phone yourself?

Now, back in the olden days when I was a kid, we only had to dial five numbers to call local and all phones were property of the phone company. I lived in fear of somehow breaking our avocado green rotary-dial phone and incurring the wrath of The Phone Cops.

And now? Now, The Phone Cops are so out eating donuts all the time that they’re instructing me on how to use a screwdriver to open the phone box on the outside of my house and test the line myself? Seriously? Do I have this level of technical know-how?

There is, however, a lovely little disclaimer about all of this. Please excuse the craptastic screenshot – for some reason, I can’t increase both the size and the resolution.

So, evidently AT&T doesn’t have that much faith in my brainpower. (If I can’t improve that screenshot, can you blame them?) Maybe The Phone Cops show up if you try to open the box during an electrical storm. I don’t think I want to find out.
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