My gift to you.

You know, I’ve learned some stuff at Corporate Behemoth.

Today, I learned that my boss’ boss will start to look through you if you answer his question honestly instead of telling him what he wants to hear.

A few months ago, I learned that it is indeed possible to become senior high muckety muck of all of Corporate Behemoth, even if you don’t wash your hands after using the restroom.

And today?

Today, I’m going to share a bit of useful knowledge that you won’t find in any business textbook or pick up in any MBA course. But it’s real, and it’s important.

You ready?

Here goes.

If you have a lunch meeting, and you bring in your lunch from Chipotle? For the love of all that is holy, don’t order the burrito. Order the bowl. Because there is nothing businesslike about shoving a seven-inch-diameter burrito down your throat. And your coworkers – and subordinates – will never, ever look at you again without thinking of your flip-top head and how you looked hunched over a droopy tortilla, pinto bean juice running down your chin.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I love me some Chipotle. My team goes there for lunch every Wednesday, and it’s a bit of an event. I have even calculated the fat and caloric content of all of my favorite Chipotle combinations. But hear me now and listen to me later: the burrito is for private dining. It’s not for a date. And it’s certainly not for any business situation.

Just between us? You know my boss’ boss, who looked through me when I was honest instead of a yes man? It’s OK. Because while I might be invisible to him, whenever I look at him? I see the giant-ass burrito I saw him eat in a meeting and now cannot unsee, no matter how hard I try.

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