My people are a football people.
Case in point? Uh, last week? My family – me, My Guy, my parents, and my aunt and uncle – were all late to my brother’s rehearsal dinner. We were watching the end of the Iowa / Michigan game.*
What? It was important.
And this week? My Guy and I were exhausted and pissed as hell after watching the 30-31 Iowa / Wisconsin debacle. But we needed our strength! My alma mater – where I also worked in the athletic department – played the Saturday night game.
Set new records for attendance at College GameDay? Beat the number one ranked BCS team?
Yeah, we did. M-I-Z!
But Brent Musburger hates all teams that wear black and gold. Seriously – he couldn’t stop talking about Oklahoma even as Mizzou was beating the crap out of them. And anytime he calls an Iowa game? Well, don’t get me started. In the words of my dad? “Everybody knows Brent Musburger hates Iowa. He always has.”
I think it’s more that our buddy Brent still favors the traditional powerhouses. Maybe he’s trapped in the 70s. Maybe he has “Roll Tide” tattooed on his ass. Who’s to say?
I thought about this while watching last night’s game. And I thought about Brent in his powder-blue leisure suit, reporting on the 1977 World’s Strongest Man Competition. The dude has paid his dues.
I think I’m going to start hosting my own show about college football. It will be called The Cha Cha Show, and it will be a weekly half-hour where I talk about stuff I know about college football.
You wanna watch it, don’t you?
I’ll talk about the coaching tree of Iowa legend Hayden Fry (seriously – like, a gazillion Division 1 coaches either played for him or coached for him). However, I won’t be afraid to do hard-hitting investigation, like my controversial look into why Bill Snyder of Kansas State is an ass (he runs up scores needlessly). And I’ll remember arcane and totally useless facts like the score of the 1985 Iowa / Michigan game (12-10 in favor of the number-one-ranked Hawkeyes. Actually, I’ll probably bust that out every episode.).
There will be a segment where my dad identifies his favorite college football player names (Marvin McNutt, anyone?).
Then, My Guy will do some talking about technical stuff and will say things like “Watch the strong safety during this hook-and-ladder play.” I will nod during this segment, like I have any clue what he’s talking about. I will also be strangely turned on by his athletic prowess.
Finally, every episode will close with a segment called “What Cha Cha’s Mom Thinks of Joe Paterno.” She and I have practiced this segment, and it pretty much consists of my lovely mama looking at the camera and saying, “I hate him.”
And that was “What Cha Cha’s Mom Thinks of Joe Paterno!”
Light on tough college football analysis? Possibly. But it might start to make up for ol’ Musburger’s complete lack of respect for those teams that haven’t won multiple national championships. Check your local listings.
*It sounds worse than it really was – the rehearsal dinner was a small affair at the home of Poochie and Mrs. Poochie. And we were only like 15 minutes late – totally within the acceptable limits of lateness due to football.