Mixing my poop and Star Wars metaphors. Skillfully, of course.

Remember a few weeks ago when Lady Doodle had explosive diarrhea in my laundry room?

Of course you do. Because it was awesome!

Well, that was truly The Day of Poo. Because that night, I received this e-mail:

Cha Cha,
Hi there! How are you? I actually had 2 dreams about you in the past week (don’t remember much about the content though) and thought I would say hi and see how you are doing. Please don’t feel obligated to respond but feel free to do so if you wish. I hope you and your family are great and that you are happy! Take care, The Ex-Boyfriend Formerly Known as Mr. Wonderful

I sighed. I reflected on how my house smelled like shit. I read the e-mail to My Guy. And then I reflected on My Guy’s brilliance when his only response was, “Well, guess who broke up with his girlfriend?”


Alice and Jake thought I should reply with “Whenever I have dreams about you, they don’t end well for you. Just sayin’.” But we also discussed how maybe it would be the bigger thing to do to respond and let him know I’m getting hitched. The mature thing.

I waited a week, because that’s how long it takes me to get all mature-like. And then I sent this:

Howdy –

Sorry for the delayed response – things are a little hectic here. Just bought a new house, so am busy cleaning, painting, and getting ready to move. I’m getting married this spring, so there’s the little business of getting ready for that, too. Lots going on, but we enjoyed a brief but quiet Christmas in Iowa. Everyone is happy and healthy, and my brother got married this fall. Good times.

I hope you and your family are well and enjoyed a happy holiday.

Cha Cha

Which then garnered an almost immediate response:

Cha Cha,
Great news! How exciting! I’m very glad to hear you are doing great. Exciting news for your brother too!

All is good here too. Ladybug is doing great and really enjoying school and her friends there. She’s playing soccer and I’m her coach and that’s a blast for both of us. My time with her is 50/50 now which is wonderful. Work is going ok as we work through another merger.

I’m really glad you are doing great and congratulations to you and your family. I wish you the very best! Take care, Ex-Wonderful


My Cliff Notes version of this would read, “That’s great! Everything’s great! I’m great here, too! In no way did I e-mail you to test the waters! There’s nothing to see here! Have a great day!”

It makes me think of my favorite scene from Star Wars, when Chewy, Han and Luke bust into the jail to get Leia, and Han ends up talking to the other security guys on the intercom. “Umm … situation normal! Minor weapons malfunction. Everything’s fine here … uh … How are you?”

In the midst of the cleaning and dog poo and painting and all of it? This was barely a blip on the radar, other than adding to the poo build-up. Which is pretty amazing, all things considered. But it’s hard to spend much time thinking about Jabba the Hutt when you’re about to marry Han Solo.

Just sayin’.

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