Forget flashcards. Shingles are way more educational.

The world is ending. I took another sick day today. Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse.

So, here’s what I am trying to figure out: What is it that I’m supposed to learn from having shingles?

Possible answers:

a) Nothing. Shit goes down and that’s just how it is. Quit trying to analyze the universe. You should have realized this when your efforts to psychoanalyze your in-laws for fun and profit didn’t work. Just leave it be.

b) Your body just *might* be reacting to an accumulation of stress and big goings on this year. This *might* be a sign that you need to respect the changes and respect the stress and *possibly* make a few tweaks in your lifestyle and how you deal with and view stress.

c) Everything is bad! Much like the story of Job, this is just the latest in a series of holy tests from above! You are being smitten and must change everything right now! Quit your job, go vegan and organic, make your own clothes, and stop drinking purple Kool-Aid RIGHT NOW.

So, yeah. Possible answers. Am I missing any? What do you think?

I just feel like if I rearrange the furniture or make some little tweak that everything will be OK. I’ll stop getting these weird maladies and miraculously the stabbing, I’ma-gonna-kill-somebody pain of the shingles will magically cease.

My self-medicating has now grown to include making gazpacho (not so healing, but it sounded good at the time), showering (really? everybody wins), and Internet shopping (I have high hopes for the medicinal value of this one).

Boden and Garnet Hill are both having huge end-of-season sales. Shopping for clothes made me feel like I really will leave my house again and will require non-pajama clothes to do it in. So, really? I was shopping for the future. For America. For you and me. If I don’t shop, the terrorists (and the shingles) win.

But help a girl out. What the eff am I supposed to be learning from all of this?

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