An open letter to whomever wallpapered our bathroom.

Dear Wallpaper Man or Maven –

I don’t know whether to punch you in the mouth or shake your hand.

You know how sometimes wallpaper comes off in big strips, and sometimes it comes off in teensy, tiny little shards?


The wallpaper you put up lo those 20 years ago falls into the latter category. That shit is stuck to the wall like white on rice. And my meager attempts to scrape it off resulted not in big sheets of sweet, sweet relief, but in teeny razors of emotional pain. Itsy bits of blue metallic paisley paper that pollute my life and stand between me and a remodeled bathroom.

I respect your wallpaper hanging prowess. But don’t you ever, ever come near my home ever again.

Peace out –

Cha Cha

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