If I’m ever in a pageant, my talent will be eavesdropping. And being crazy. And projecting that crazy onto other people.

I do love eavesdropping. I just can’t help it.

Tonight, My Guy and I went out for pizza. There were 2 very excited little boys across the restaurant from us. They were eating with 2 mom-types, and evidently, there were a lot of super crazy things to discuss. I guess when you’re 5 years old, shit just got real.

We didn’t catch much of their conversation, but my favorite gems?

“It was so late! It was, like, 40 o’clock!”

And, of course:

“He ate a crayon. And he had to go to the muhmergency!”

This stuff makes me laugh. And it’s a little easier to focus on that as I reflect on my day instead of considering my new boss, and how he gushed for a solid 15 minutes about his daughter. She is a dancer, and he is obviously so, so proud. It was delightful.

And then, my new coworker gushed about her son, who is a large-and-in-charge football player. She, too, was busting with pride. It made me love her.

And then they asked me if I have kids. And I said, “No, I have 4 dogs.”

I’m sure there are parents out there who would be offended by my response, charging that I was trying to equate dogs with kids. While I will admit that My Guy and I refer to the dogs as “The Babies,” I don’t mean to suggest dogs are the same as kids. For one, I’ve heard that you can’t keep kids in kennels.

The thing with today’s workplace getting-to-know-you session is that I was deflecting. Moving the conversation from kids to dogs was so much easier than saying, “No, we found out we can’t have kids, and I’m truly thrilled to a) see your authentic enthusiasm; and b) learn about your awesome kids; but it just kind of hurts to a) not have anything to add to the conversation; and b) imagine the wheels turning as you wonder WTF is wrong with me since I don’t have kids.”

I know, right? Project craziness much? It’s not a muhmergency, but it’s still something that I’m processing.

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