In which I am tightly wound and on the verge of a meltdown.

The last 2 days at Globotron, I’ve been sitting in The Most Useless Training Ever.

Like, seriously. So boring. So dumb. And karma could very well hit me with dementia or Alzheimer’s, because at more than 1 point today, I looked around the room and thought that 90% of the folks in the room were complete morons. Dumber than boxes of rocks.

An example of the dumb is the woman who presented a style guide to the group … an editorial style guide that directed users to follow completely made-up rules of punctuation. These guidelines have never before been used in any version of the English language or any weird language that twins teach each other.

As a native English speaker, I was offended. As a professional writer and editor, I was livid. And I pretty much spontaneously combusted when someone questioned the made-up rules and was told, “We’re past the point of debating these guidelines. Now is the time to implement them.”


See, there are rules. Rules for language, rules for working and playing well with others, rules for being a decent human being. As a life-long Good Girl, I have followed the rules forever. And I’m offended when people think the rules don’t apply to them.

I feel like I’m the only person following the rules.

I feel like the only person who recognizes that proper comma usage is the 1 thing that separates us from our simian brethren. I’m also the only person who seems to understand that kitchen counters need to be wiped down several times a day or the terrorists win.

These seemingly small things help me feel like I have some modicum of control. Which, if we’re being honest, I don’t.

I need to let go and let God, or at least take to my bed in a very Tennessee Williams sort of way. Except that we don’t have teevee in our bedroom and I’m not sure I have the energy to read.

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