Beauties and baked goods.

As I’m sure you know, this weekend was Miss America.

Since we hosted family this weekend and the people demanded NFL games, the pageant got DVRed. But I didn’t watch it alone later, in shame. Oh, no. No, my husband actually requested that we watch it together because, and I quote: “It’s fun to watch that stuff with you.”

I guess my bipolar pageant disorder is entertaining. On 1 hand, I minored in women’s studies and think it’s shady that women are required to wear swimsuits as part of a “scholarship competition.”

On the other hand? I am a catty, catty bitch. And my mom used to run our local Miss America pageant, and I love all pageants and know that Miss Mississippi used to be required to live for a year with pageant consultants before competing for Miss America and I also know how to tape boobs and Miss America is the only true pageant because it has a talent component and Miss USA is a ju-co dropout poseur and blah blah blah.

So, yeah.

We sat on the couch and commented on evening gowns and groaned at some questionable “talents.” Then, I fell in love with My Guy all over again when he said, “I kind of hate the swimsuit competition. None of these women are attractive – they’re all way too thin. I don’t ever want to see your abs, OK?”

Well, if you say so. OK.

Then, to cement the deal as well as stay with the no-abs theme, he asked, “Is Miss Iowa’s talent going to be making bars and frying up some tenderloins?”

Sadly, no. Miss Iowa was a hellova tap dancer and got 4th runner up. However, I’m sure she can also make hella-awesome bars.

Are bars a thing where you live? You know, bars – like, brownies, but not chocolate? What you take to a potluck or the church luncheon after a funeral?

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