Since I’m spending a great deal of time in my house, I’ve been fighting the temptation to be, like, a homemaker. You know, with a house that isn’t a giant hairball and might actually be, like, homey.
Couple this with reading the most excellent Julia Child biography “Dearie,” and you can understand why I’ve been cooking a lot. I have time! And inspiration! And a husband who loves to eat!
I make a pretty decent beef bourguignon, or as we call it ’round these parts, beef boing boing. Then there was the chicken country captain recipe from “House Beautiful,” which produced what was truly the best meal I have ever prepared.
Then, there was the stir fry.
In what will go down in history as The Great Stir-Fry Debacle of 2013, I attempted a recipe from “Better Homes and Gardens.” Easy! A mere 30 minutes! And who doesn’t like stir fry?
The result was inspiring, if you were looking for reason to puke. Oh sweet Oprah, it was horrible. Who in their right mind microwaves cabbage? And a sauce made of stout beer, mustard, and caraway seeds? Seriously? What was I thinking?
Bless his heart, my sweet husband gamely tried it. He even praised me for trying yet another new recipe and for generally feeding him palatable food. And when we both gave up on eating the monstrosity, he made Kraft mac n’ cheese, like a champ.
However, I couldn’t get the smell of the stir fry out of my head. It was like gorilla fear scent, but worse. If I never smell caraway ever, ever again, that will be fine by me.
The Great Stir-Fry Debacle of 2013 overshadowed even the infamous Cha Cha’s Blackened Tofu Surprise episode of 1999. What this most recent culinary catastrophe lacked in smoke and fire alarms, it made up for in general odiferousness. It was the type of meal that you’d like to forget, but the smell has permanently permeated your home.
Mustard and caraway. Holy shit.
Learn from my mistake and run far from this recipe. But as you sprint away, pray tell … what’s your personal worst all-time kitchen fiasco?