I leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake.

After the saga of my pure-as-the-driven-snow-and-also-BFF-with-Jesus prom date, Green Girl in Wisconsin planted a seed in my brain – the same seed that keeps Facebook in business:

I bet Eric loosened up after your night together and he’s the lead singer/sinner of a punk rock band. Do look him up and let us know! 

Oh, my.

Doesn’t everyone have very detailed fantasies about people from their past, even when the relationship was entirely fleeting? I think it just makes everything easier – and more entertaining.

Case in point? My first college boyfriend is a somewhat big-deal journalist. I think you’ll agree that this is undoubtedly due to my influence, seeing as how we dated while he was in journalism school.

And the oh-so-cute but oh-so-young freshman who was enamored with me when I was a senior? You know, the one who planted a kiss on me that left me speechless? And was enough of a man to just smooch and then walk off, like in the movies? Well, I’m pretty sure I’m The One Who Got Away for him. Strangely, this makes me feel somewhat better about the fact that I may have been a fool to think the “I’m looking for jobs / you’re looking for a fake ID” divide was to large to bridge.

And Ex-Ex, he of the 7-year relationship? I’m pretty sure he’s miserable All. The. Time. Breaking up with me can do that to you.

As for Eric, my super-religious, non-dancing prom date who acted like I was leading him down the highway to hell by wearing makeup to prom?

My pal Google made finding him oh-so-easy.

There’s an Eric who is a graphic designer. And another Eric who is a vice president of some bank. Sadly, no Eric who’s a punk rocker.

But the actual Eric that I knew? He sells skid loaders. His bio says he’s married with 2 kids and enjoys hunting and fishing. And his photo? Well, he has the same earnest smile, and looks like the kind of guy you’d trust when looking to purchase a skid loader or other heavy machinery.

Adult Eric looked much like I expected. Thankfully, he didn’t have a face tattoo that read, “Prom ruined my life.” He looked normal and happy, which made my heart glad.

Maybe the “Prom ruined my life” tat is on his chest.

What stories have you concocted about your past flames?

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  • Reply smalltownme April 16, 2013 at 2:00 am

    I'm still married to my high school sweetheart so, alas, I have no stories to concoct. I'm glad your Eric seems like a normal guy.

  • Reply Gary's third pottery blog April 16, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    I remember, in the wake of the movie ANIMAL HOUSE, the saying "fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life" as being the theme to my prom… well, the Animal House part, anyway, togas and all….well, anyway, enough said….

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin April 16, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    I'm glad he had a happy ending–and that you didn't permanently corrupt him. In fact, I think you could take credit for helping him stay the course and become the man he is!

    My exes are all worse off without me. And they live in terror of becoming characters in my books…

  • Reply Shannon Henszel April 17, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    The boy who invited me to prom, then paid for my plane ticket when my family moved away two weeks beforehand – is now happily hypochondriacal with a daughter named after his high school prom date.

    The ex-husband who had two years of school left when I married him and two years of school left when I divorced him 3 years later, is now married and still has two years of school left – six years later.

    The orchestra teacher who cheated on me with an actual whore, married said whore and just had their first child together…

    Sadly, life is crazier than my concocted stories!!

  • Reply Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect April 18, 2013 at 3:10 am

    Well, technically I have nothing to add here. The first boy who asked me out was cute and nice, so I married him. That has not prevented me from concocting stories about how my former crushes have ended up, though. No it has not.

    See, there was this boy. And I liked him for a long time. He now lives in Florida, where he's been a bartender for…I don't know…his whole adult life? So I imagine that his life is like Tom Cruise in Cocktail – the fun part, not the depressing part. However, I also believe with all my heart that he regrets to this day never asking me out. I am definitely his "the one that got away." No, really. I AM. Heh.

  • Reply Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect April 19, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    By the way – I loved this post so much I had to write about it on my blog, too. In case you want to read it: http://www.givinguponperfect.com/2013/04/the-one-that-got-away/.

  • Reply Janet April 19, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    Oh, I am convinced that I'm the "one that got away" for many former flames. And my ex-husband is in severe financial crisis and living in a run down old house. (That last one is true.)

    This reminds me of that joke about Hillary Clinton where she says, "Oh, if he'd married me, HE would be President." hee hee

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