So much wisdom, it’s practically spilling out of my ears.

I practiced Herculean restraint this weekend.

No, I didn’t have Dwayne Johnson in some sort of headlock. Actually, my parents were visiting, and we all refrained from calling my bro, Poochie, and Mrs. Poochie. They had an OB appointment on Friday and found out what flavor of baby they’re having.

We left them alone! We didn’t drive 3 hours to their house to ring the bell and be all, “Oh, hai … we were just in the neighborhood. What’s up?” We didn’t even text them. We are saints!

Our patience finally paid off, and Sunday night, the parents-to-be emailed this pic:

It’s a girl!

I’ve known for less than 24 hours that I am going to have a niece, and my brain is already swimming.

Darling girl, you are so smart. You can do whatever you want in life.

I know it’s old-school, but I really think you will like “The Boxcar Children.” I’ll get it for you when you’re in second grade.

Trust me when I say you will regret wearing hot pants to prom, even with a sheer skirt.

You always have a place to stay with me. I’ll even buy you your own toothbrush to keep at my house. For when you have teeth.

Be kind to that doggie in the photo. He is already guarding your sweet mama, looking out for you.

Be kind in general. It will serve you well in the long run and you’ll always be able to look yourself in the eye … even if you do wear a regrettable prom dress.

I won’t buy you beer when you’re in high school. However, I will take you out to toast your 21st birthday.

It’s OK to have a favorite aunt. Don’t worry, I won’t tell the rest that you think I’m the best.