I’ve been having trouble sleeping.
Either I can’t fall asleep, or I wake up mega-super-awake at, like, 3 a.m. This whole business is really putting a damper on my energy level.
I am, however, having some truly magnificent late-night brainstorms.
Last night, for example, I worked through this series of brilliant thoughts, observations, and plans:
- I’m awake.
- Well, at least I don’t have anywhere I have to be first-thing in the morning. I don’t work in an office anymore.
- I miss my friend Leesa. It was fun to work with her. I should send her a text that just says, “You’re awesome!” Except if I did it right now, she would find out that I’m insane.
- She probably already knows.
- Tomorrow, I’m going to caulk the kitchen door and the window above the sink. Then, I’ll paint them. And I’ll caulk the doorways in the upstairs hallway, and paint those, too.
- I’m awake. I should just go caulk right now. Then, it would have time to dry and I could paint at, like, 6 a.m. That wouldn’t be that disruptive, right?
- I might be mentally unstable. Or just have unrealistic expectations. If I get out of bed, there will be mass dog chaos and I will wake my poor, exhausted husband.
- I’ll just lie here like a dead body. Maybe that will make me sleepy.
- Ohmygod. How creepy would it be to sleep next to a dead body? That would be terrible. I must save My Guy from such horror. I would be doing him a favor by rolling over, just so that his subconscious knows that he’s not sleeping with a corpse.
- I’m a giver.
- But maybe I’m just a doormat. After all, I’ve been so nice to him, listening to freakin’ Flight of the Conchords while playing that crazy-complicated board game that he’s obsessed with. My husband is turning me into a geek. And, I always lose that damned game.
- I hate losing. My Guy must pay. I’m going to lie here like a dead body.
- Except that I’m a dead body that has the Flight of the Conchords song about male prostitution stuck in my head. “You can put away your tool. You don’t have to beeeeeee … a prostitute! No no no no no! You don’t have to beeeee … a man ho; a male gigolo!”
- Maybe that’s why Lil’ Frankfurter is doing all the humping. Like the guy in the song, he thinks male prostitution is his only option.
- Once I get out of bed, I’m totally going to make a meme with Lil’ Frank and the lyrics from that song.
And … I did.
I guess insomnia isn’t all bad.
What goes through your head when you can’t sleep?