Nighttime is not the right time.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping.

Either I can’t fall asleep, or I wake up mega-super-awake at, like, 3 a.m. This whole business is really putting a damper on my energy level.

I am, however, having some truly magnificent late-night brainstorms.

Last night, for example, I worked through this series of brilliant thoughts, observations, and plans:

  • I’m awake.
  • Well, at least I don’t have anywhere I have to be first-thing in the morning. I don’t work in an office anymore.
  • I miss my friend Leesa. It was fun to work with her. I should send her a text that just says, “You’re awesome!” Except if I did it right now, she would find out that I’m insane.
  • She probably already knows.
  • Tomorrow, I’m going to caulk the kitchen door and the window above the sink. Then, I’ll paint them. And I’ll caulk the doorways in the upstairs hallway, and paint those, too.
  • I’m awake. I should just go caulk right now. Then, it would have time to dry and I could paint at, like, 6 a.m. That wouldn’t be that disruptive, right?
  • I might be mentally unstable. Or just have unrealistic expectations. If I get out of bed, there will be mass dog chaos and I will wake my poor, exhausted husband.
  • I’ll just lie here like a dead body. Maybe that will make me sleepy.
  • Ohmygod. How creepy would it be to sleep next to a dead body? That would be terrible. I must save My Guy from such horror. I would be doing him a favor by rolling over, just so that his subconscious knows that he’s not sleeping with a corpse.
  • I’m a giver.
  • But maybe I’m just a doormat. After all, I’ve been so nice to him, listening to freakin’ Flight of the Conchords while playing that crazy-complicated board game that he’s obsessed with. My husband is turning me into a geek. And, I always lose that damned game.
  • I hate losing. My Guy must pay. I’m going to lie here like a dead body.
  • Except that I’m a dead body that has the Flight of the Conchords song about male prostitution stuck in my head. “You can put away your tool. You don’t have to beeeeeee … a prostitute! No no no no no! You don’t have to beeeee … a man ho; a male gigolo!”
  • Maybe that’s why Lil’ Frankfurter is doing all the humping. Like the guy in the song, he thinks male prostitution is his only option.
  • Once I get out of bed, I’m totally going to make a meme with Lil’ Frank and the lyrics from that song.

And … I did.

I guess insomnia isn’t all bad.

What goes through your head when you can’t sleep?

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  • Reply smalltownme July 26, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    I just worry about everything during my wakeful periods. No fun!

  • Reply Leesa July 27, 2013 at 3:41 am

    We're both awesome!!

  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) July 27, 2013 at 5:08 am

    Hahahaha — poor pup. My dh used to go to meetings at someone's home where the dog pleasured itself constantly in the same room. He still talks about it. Somehow, the owners had learned to ignore/accept the behavior (of the dog, not my dh).

    I spend a lot of time awake, but I usually get up and fold laundry or read blogs or play solitaire until I'm sleepy. Then my dh wakes up and gets mad at me for being gone and making him wake up! Can't win.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin July 28, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    What a total drag to need to sleep but not be able to. Now that I'm thinking about it, it'll probably happen to me tonight…

  • Reply Gary's third pottery blog July 28, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    you get jealous of the dog and cat, sleeping soooo easily, or the little kids in their strollers at the store! snoooooze

  • Reply REM July 31, 2013 at 2:40 am

    I really enjoy your writing–you crack me up. I nominated your blog for a Liebster award so others can enjoy it too!

  • Reply Kate August 23, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    I make up dirty haiku.

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