Like a boss.

Yesterday was Boss’s Day. Did you get your boss person a card?

I happened to visit My Guy’s workplace yesterday. As he was showing me his cube, he kept mentioning loudly that oh, by the way, no one had gotten him a GIFT for BOSS’S DAY.

I thought it was hilarious. I hope his employees did, too. It’s such a dumb “holiday.”

Since my bosses are of the canine variety, I didn’t get anyone a card to commemorate the day. The dogs don’t pay a lot of attention to Hallmark holidays. Even if they did, they don’t read. So, in a pinch, I could hand a dachshund a piece of junk mail and act like it was a card.

Not that I would do that, but … well, you know. There were some times during my tenure in Corporate America that it seemed a grocery circular would be more heartfelt than a sappy card. I was pretty lucky to have mostly good supervisors. But there were days … and my friends had days and some questionable managers.

There should be a line of painfully honest cards for Boss’s Day. Here are my suggestions.

Front: When I see you coming, I hide in the restroom.
Inside: Yeah, you’re worse than poop. But Happy Boss’s Day, or whatever.

Front: Your photo is in the dictionary next to “irrational.”
Inside: I don’t know why. I didn’t write the dictionary. I’m just reporting the facts. Me working overtime is not going to change anything. No, I don’t think Dave from accounting is responsible for the dictionary, even if you think he’s out to get you. I don’t know! I don’t know! Just never mind!

Front: Happy Boss’s Day to a great boss.
Inside: No, I don’t buy it, either. I’m just telling you what you want to hear, like every other day.

Front: When we call you “The Fossil,” it’s a term of endearment.
Inside: It has nothing to do with you being dead inside. Happy Boss’s Day.

What would you love to say to the worst boss you ever had?

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  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) October 18, 2013 at 7:49 am

    Dang. I missed Bosses Day. At work, I'm sort of my own grandpa… so maybe the handful of chocolate-covered espresso beans was my gift? On the other hand, eating them meant I was still awake at one o'clock in the morning, so it wasn't a very good gift. We won't discuss how it was not a work day and I was at work. (That happens a lot. I suck at this work stuff.)

  • Reply Heather Nelson October 18, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    These are hilarious!

    I'd probably keep mine simple.

    Front: Stop being a douche bag.
    Inside: Seriously. Happy Boss Day.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin October 18, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Ooooh. You are GOOD. I think I'd go for a picture of a mountaintop with a line like: To reach goals you need ambition, vision, clarity and commitment.
    Then inside: a picture of a forest fire–just a blazing inferno of a disaster zone.
    My worst boss liked pictures because words were so confusing.

  • Reply Holly @ The Grass is Always Greener October 18, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Those are some hilarious cards. I could have used them in past jobs

  • Reply Holly @ The Grass is Always Greener October 18, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Those are some hilarious cards. I could have used them in past jobs

  • Reply cookingwithgas October 18, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    very good.
    The down and dirty is I am married to the boss and so is he.
    We encourage sexual harassment on the job and love taking union breaks or corporate meetings over wine…
    We have also quit and or been fired by each other or fired ourselves. For bosses day I let him pour me a beer.

  • Reply Rainbow Motel October 19, 2013 at 1:54 am

    I have a new boss and I didn't get him anything. I don't think anyone in our building did. I feel bad about it, but he's gone out of his way NOT to make friends. It wasn't purposeful on my part to not participate. Rather, I was busy enough and yet not inspired enough to stop and do anything about it.

  • Reply Rainbow Motel October 22, 2013 at 12:54 am

    The one I have right now is quite a puzzle. No one trusts him and his attempts at humor are akin to being slashed with a razor. Our English Department is so sick of him that we've started meeting in secret.

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