Let’s talk about marital relations. Specifically, relating to your spouse in bed.
Yes. I’m talking about relating to your spouse in light of various and sundry electronics in bed.
First, there was the smartphone. My Guy would read and fall asleep with his phone propped up on his chest, or held sort of catty-whompus by his side. Because I am a night owl and always fall asleep last, I would oh-so-helpfully take the phone. Because I’m a giver, and I don’t want My Guy to get a black eye from a phone falling on his sleeping face.
However, he soon became very possessive of the phone, and would berate me for “stealing” it. He would half-heartedly sleep-yell, “Mah PHONE” as I attempted to lift the phone.
Even though “Mah PHONE” amused me to no end, I tried to just let it be. He’d fall asleep, and Mah PHONE would end up buried in the bed, or it would careen into his forehead. It was mostly funny.
However, things really escalated with the arrival of the Kindle. That sucker is bigger than Mah PHONE, and with a world of books at his fingertips, My Guy is even more likely to try to read with his eyes closed. This means that he’s even crabbier about me “stealing” it when he’s “just resting and gonna read more.”
In the spirit of Christmas, things have escalated as of late.
The other day, as we settled into bed, My Guy mentioned off-handedly, “If you try to steal my Kindle tonight, Imma punch you in the fallopian tube.”
About 3 minutes later, he was asleep, with the Kindle perched on his chest. I didn’t touch it. However, about 2 minutes after that, he snorted himself awake, batted his arms about … and managed to knock my book into my face.
Obviously, it’s now on like Donkey Kong. Our bed is a battlefield.
I threaten to steal the Kindle. He just looks at me and says, “I’ll punch you in the tube.”
I can’t sleep when he’s not here.
Ours is a love that is true.