In which I run around my house nekkid, licking all the stuff.

My Guy and I have been blessed to host various and sundry family members over the last 2 weeks.

I genuinely like these people. They are good people.

I’ve been cooking. And cleaning. And changing sheets. And washing towels.

The good news out of all of this is that holy banana sandwich, I have found my life calling. Clearly, I was put on this Earth to be a spokesmodel for Bar Keepers Friend – even if the product’s lack of apostrophe makes me cry. This stuff is freakin’ magic!

Let’s say you’re like me, and you live in an old house. And you’ve scrubbed and scrubbed your home’s original tub, and it’s fine. But once you introduce Bar Keepers Friend to your tub? Your tub will shine like new! Years of gunk that you didn’t even know was there will rinse right down the drain … along with a few layers of skin from your hands because you forgot to wear gloves. But it’s so, so worth it.

My only regret is that I didn’t take before and after shots (of the tub, not my hands). But it’s probably for the best, as the after shots would be so bright that readers would be blinded, and I’d get sued, and it would be a whole thing.

So, that’s the good news.

The bad news about hosting a bunch of family across a few weeks is that you get a little crazy and just need a little alone time. OK, maybe a lot crazy, to the point that once you’re alone, you want to run around your house nekkid, just because you can. And maybe make nekkid snow angels in the dirt on your floors. And maybe lick all your furniture to mark it as your own, because you’re a girl and the idea of peeing to mark just seems like too much trouble, even in your somewhat irrational state.

The few friends I’ve mentioned this to have seemed more than a little alarmed. Is this whole licking thing not a normal impulse?

Granted, I grew up in a house where licking a cookie meant that it was yours. It was viewed as a somewhat offbeat tactic, but acceptable because the ownership of baked goods is a big deal. Perhaps my peers don’t have this same point of reference?

You will probably be relieved to know that instead of spreading saliva, I’ve just been going to bed really, really early. And ignoring laundry. And admiring my visage in the reflection from my better-than-new tub.

You’re welcome.

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  • Reply Carolyn Watson May 15, 2014 at 1:50 am

    Hahaha! I can relate to this from time-to-time. But I'm not as funny as you. I didn't realize BK Friend was such a magnificent household product. I think I've only used it on stainless steel sinks. Thanks for the visual images, by the way….

  • Reply Becky May 15, 2014 at 2:42 am

    My daughter is a licker. I swear, she was in kindergarten and I'd still see her side eyeing door knobs, just because they might need licking. We won't get into her fondness of naked time, but I will say, you two just might be kindred spirits. I see where the urge to run around the house nekkid,licking things is a thing. Normal even.
    Bar Keepers Friend is magic.

  • Reply Anonymous May 15, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    You're so funny!
    We still lick the cookies in this house. Unfortunately, that does nothing to deter a teenage boy from eating ALL OF THE FOOD.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin May 16, 2014 at 2:17 am

    Think of it this way: you lick on everything to claim it, the dog pees on everything claim it. Either way you figure it's YOURS. Or someone's.

  • Reply smalltownme May 16, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    I'm putting Barkeeper's Friend on my grocery list. Maybe I can get my dingy tub looking better before the graduation company arrives. Thanks for the tip!

  • Reply smalltownme May 16, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    P.S. I totally understand the licking. My aunt thought it was so funny to steal my food, so I would lick it in front of her to keep her away.

  • Reply Average Jane May 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Hmm, I have some of that. I wonder if it would get the soap scum off my glass shower doors.

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