May your birthday be excrement-filled.

I just called to wish my most awesome dad a most awesome birthday. Because we just can’t seem to help ourselves, the conversation took a bit of a turn.

Me: Oh, I heard back from the vet. Lil’ Frankfurter’s tests all came back normal. There’s nothing wrong with him.

Mom: Well, pssh.

Me: I know, right? There’s nothing wrong with him, except he’s wasting away.

Dad: He’s so thin.

Mom: Did I send you that dog food recipe?

Me: Yeah. But it doesn’t matter what I feed him – he just keeps losing weight.

Mom: He eats and he poops, but nothing happens in between.

Me: Right! I mean, he poops like a champion.

Dad: I’ve always thought so.

Mom: He’s just so cute – and you think, “oh, look at how he’s sitting in the middle of the patio … “

Me: … and then you realize he’s taking a giant dump in that delicate little stance.

Dad: He’s got good form.

Me: Happy birthday, Dad! Let’s talk about poop!

Mom: Well, it could be worse. It’s not like we’re talking about a human family member.

Dad: No. We’re way too classy for that.

Me: We could be all, “Oh, say what you will about Uncle Floyd, but he could really take a dump.”

Mom: Well, we all have our special gifts.

Dad: Ha! “You know, with Uncle Floyd, you always knew when it was time to leave the house.”

Mom: Yeah! And “You knew it was best to let things air out a bit after Floyd had used the facilities.”

Me: Sorry, Dad. This really devolved.

Dad: I would expect nothing less.

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like

No Comments

  • Reply Average Jane June 28, 2014 at 1:13 am

    Can I get adopted into your family?

  • Reply Common Household Mom June 29, 2014 at 1:15 am

    What a great birthday phone call! I wonder what Uncle Floyd wants to talk about on his birthday call.

    At least you weren't trying to eat dinner during this conversation.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin June 30, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    I love your people. Talking about the poop form of a dog in a photo. Klassy like Karadashians;)

  • Reply smalltownme July 1, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    My husband and I discuss our cat's poop all the time. And send pictures.

  • Leave a Reply