An open letter to my parents and all my elementary school teachers.

Hi all – 

I’m not really a stripper.

Today, my coworkers and I went to lunch. We were celebrating a birthday, and we ended up at a downtown restaurant / bar.

Now, this restaurant / bar is next door to a fabulous strip club. Actually, I don’t know if it’s really fabulous – I haven’t been inside. But the glass entry shows an escalator. Because yes, this strip club is so fancy that it has an escalator. Or maybe it’s not really fancy, but it certainly looks nicer than the club a few blocks away that has the “TOTALLY NUDE” flashing sign.

Ours is a downtown in transition.

The strip club and the bar / restaurant share a parking lot. As I wedged into the lot with several large trucks, I realized that the strip club was packed. Dudes were spending their lunch hours at the boobie buffet, if you know what I mean.

As crossed the parking lot, I noticed a few guys purposely not making eye contact. Hmm. If you’re ashamed of what you have for lunch, maybe it’s time to switch up your diet.

Later, my coworkers and I enjoyed a lunch of food, not body parts. One of my cohorts glanced out the window and said, “Oh, look. There’s a Google Earth car.”

Hmm. Recording street-level views for all the internet to see. Nice.

Capturing my car in the parking lot of a strip club. Recording it for posterity.

I related this to My Guy later. His response? “I’m gonna find that on Google Earth and send it to everyone I know!”

But really? Google Earth is providing proof to suspicious spouses everywhere! I found the current Google Earth view of the parking lot in question. While the license plates are blurred, the car makes and models are very clear. And … there’s a guy in a blue and white shirt walking across the parking lot. I wonder if he knows he’s forever captured in this state.

Wouldn’t it suck to be caught on Google Earth walking out of a strip club?

But, I’m off track. The point of this open letter is to let you know, before Google Earth updates its images, that I’m not currently working as an adult entertainer. I may cuss a lot, but I’m still basically a good girl.


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  • Reply Shannan August 15, 2014 at 3:29 am


  • Reply cookingwithgas August 15, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Great way to be remembered. And for the lunch guys, smile, you're on Google camera. 😉

  • Reply Cassi Renee August 15, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    The escalator may be a safety feature –guys drunk on boobies may fall up the stairs on their way out 🙂

  • Reply slow panic August 15, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    I'm horrified when the Google Earth car drives by our house and realize it's not just our neighbors and the random passer by who has access to our unpainted, rickity old house.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin August 15, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    There's a Google Earth car?
    A strip club with an escalator?
    You got out for lunch?
    So many questions here…but I bet your boobies were the nicest on the block:) (She types in a totally admiring and heterosexual way)

  • Reply Kelley August 21, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Yes, I know this club of which you speak. ONLY because my bus sometimes passes it on the way home, thank you very much. Never thought about folks getting busted on google Earth, but wouldn't that make for some interesting conversation at Thanksgiving dinner? "Hey, Frank, I was googling that great Downtown restaurant and I could swear that in the google Earth pic, that was your car in the parking lot that it shares with the fancy strip club!" Frank's wife: "…."

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