My phat dachshund.

I am not gonna lie: I am so freakin’ excited.

Lil’ Frankfurter, he of the inflammatory bowel disease?

Yeah. So, he was on antibiotics, and he gained a few ounces. And then he lost them. And he was looking horrible. And shaking all the time.

I’m sick but I’m pretty.

I took him to the holistic vet. And she was basically like, “This animal is critically ill.”

And then I was like, “Dude. I just lost a dachshund. I can’t lose another one. Here, take all my money.”

So, for the last six-ish weeks, Lil’ Frank has been dining like a king on canned duck and canned pumpkin, four different probiotics (including one called “Digestive Slurry!”), and two meds. He has never been happier, as he is required to eat four times a day.

Also, since the vet told me that this dog was literally freezing, I have been free to buy him many fashionable shirts and coats. On clearance, of course. But still, I am That Lady.

Yesterday, we had a check-up. Lil’ Frank is now rollin’ at 6 pounds, 4 ounces. He’s gained a pound. He no longer looks like a dachshund dressed as Skeletor for Halloween. He’s interested in his toys. His poops are kind of normal-sized. He is a total stud.

The holistic vet leveled with me: “When you first brought this dog in, he was dying.”

I tried to act all, “Oh, uh-huh,” about that, but I was startled.

She went on. “I’m so, so pleased with his progress. Would you mind terribly if I wrote him up for a journal? Would you happen to have any ‘before’ pictures?”

At this point, I laughed. I take pics of my kids every day, so, yeah, I’ve got pictures.

Fat, happy, and helping mama write.

But then I got to thinking … Lil’ Frank’s fame is going to grow! Maybe now I can realize my true life dream of being an overbearing stage parent. Maybe my pushiness can propel Lil’ Frank into pageants, movies, or – dare I even dream! – a reality show!

My Guy was a little less thrilled with my horrendous parenting, but ecstatic about the weight gain. Our 8-year-old now weighs almost as much as I did as a newborn. Hurray!

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  • Reply Holly @ Everydays a Hollyday November 17, 2014 at 1:35 am

    Glad he is doing better. I buy clothes for my Shih Tzu. I think he likes it.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin November 17, 2014 at 2:22 am

    I have heard of this magical pumpkin diet. And so SO glad to hear this good news. A pound! Atta boy!

  • Reply Jenny Hart Boren November 17, 2014 at 5:04 am

    I admit I've been a little afraid to click on your posts after seeing pictures of your wee wispy pup. I'm SO glad he's doing better, and that YOU are, too!

  • Reply slow panic November 17, 2014 at 11:38 am

    Glad he is feeling better! It's so hard when they very sick.

  • Reply Average Jane November 18, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    Good job, mama! I need to get some more pumpkin for my foster cat. I ran out and he is actually less enthusiastic about his food without it.

  • Reply Carolyn Watson November 19, 2014 at 1:46 am

    This is such great news! You need this little guy to be around for a long time, and healthy, and sassy too. Congratulations on the good work!

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