Eat the damned pancakes.

Food is what makes America great. I’m talking potato salad, your auntie’s secret marinara sauce, ham balls, spring rolls, fajitas, that Korean dish you can’t pronounce, and all the rest. And don’t even get me started on desserts. In the United States, we know how to eat.

Merica.

And yet sometimes, we don’t.

This holiday, as we celebrate the Declaration of Independence and all that makes our nation a patchwork of awesomeness, I ask – nay, beg – that we all use a little common sense. Lady at IHOP, I’m looking at you.

My Guy and I recently reveled in the magic of Breakfast as Dinner at an International House of Pancakes. While other restaurants use parsley or perhaps a small orange slice as garnish, at IHOP, all the meals are accompanied by a plate of pancakes. It’s what makes this country so amazing.

But what doesn’t make this country so amazing is ordering the wrong thing. So, lady at IHOP? You were at a restaurant called International House of Pancakes. And you were in Missouri. And you ordered THE TILAPIA PLATTER. And then you sent it back to the kitchen three times.

Now, I’m guessing it wasn’t the best tilapia. And you are well within your rights to send back your meal if it wasn’t to your liking. But please, let’s take some personal responsibility here.

You ordered tilapia. At an IHOP. In a land-locked state. And then you were shocked and angry when it wasn’t awesome tilapia.

How about next time, you order pancakes? Because at an International House of Pancakes, they make pretty good pancakes. Note that the restaurant isn’t called International House of Fish. Because they aren’t known for their fish. They are known for their pancakes.

In America, we have room for – and need! – all variety of people and businesses. And no one should be all things to all people. You don’t buy groceries at a Jiffy Lube.

Let’s try to embrace folks for the special gifts they bring to the table. Because sometimes, what they bring to the table are light and fluffy pancakes that will fill your belly with joy.

And IHOP? Take the tilapia off the menu. Stick to your strengths. Because that fish smelled rank.

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No Comments

  • Reply Kari Wagner July 3, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    That's like going to Red Lobster and ordering the burger.
    You're doing it wrong, people.

  • Reply sbarber July 3, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    My 2 life rules:
    1. If there's a clean bathroom handy, use it.
    2. Don't order fish at the pancake place and don't order steak at the hot dog place. Stick with the house special.

  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) July 4, 2017 at 7:53 am

    Sometimes I order the super lightweight crepes or an egg dish, but you are correct: when at IHOP, order like you're at IHOP. Now I want pancakes.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin July 4, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    Wait-what? It's been YEARS since I've gone to an IHOP. Actually, decades. But they serve fish?
    We totally knew how that would go down.
    Idiots.

  • Reply Becky July 6, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    Just no. What is WRONG with people?

  • Leave a Reply to sbarber Cancel Reply