I am here to set the record straight.
The stomach bug diet is not the best diet. It is not an easy way to lose weight. When you must stay mere steps from the bathroom, you’re not all, “Wow! This is so easy!” And when other people in your house have to eat and you smell it and want to die a thousand deaths, you aren’t at all, “I’ve never lost weight with so little effort!” And when you finally try to eat again, only to discover that OH CRAP I RUSHED THAT AND IT IS NOT TIME TO EAT YET?
Yeah. Not. Easy.
Lest you worry, I have come out the other side. I have sampled multiple flavors of Gatorade, gummed many saltines, and fallen asleep during a variety of Netflix programs. I have lived to tell.
I lost four pounds in three days. It was not easy. I’m pretty sure “easy” and “praying for death” are mutually exclusive.
Also? When I informed my husband that in the likely event of my untimely demise, I wanted him to remarry but not love his new wife as much as he loved me? He was all, “Um-HMM” and wouldn’t even entertain this one, last request from me, the beautiful yet tragic love of his life.
Like I said? Everything about a stomach bug is terrible.
2 Comments
Oh noooo! I had a stomach bug last year. It was awful. I tried to deny that the bug was going to bring me down, and this was a mistake. I had an appointment at a GI doc that is not easy to reschedule, so I went. I kept a plastic bag in my purse just in case I in fact had a stomach bug. Continued to try to convince myself it was just gas or something- anything. I puked on myself as I drove home from the doctor office. That is not a fun scenario – driving and puking. It had never occurred to me. I guess if I think about it there might be about 2.3 million places I would rather not be while upchucking. Driving in traffic ranks somewhere in the top third. Glad to hear that you are going to make it, and what is wrong with your hubby that he wouldn’t agree to your well planned out, slightly loveless future for him?
Oh, Ernie! I’ve never considered barfing while driving … that is definitely top three worst options! At least it was an interesting life experience?
And thank you for acknowledging my husband’s flawed logic.