All this talk about stomach bugs makes me look back on the most glorious vomit scene I have ever witnessed.
Of course, I’m going to share it with you.
There was this bar I frequented post-college. It was there that I learned the magic of putting cheese on a BLT. But for the sake of this story, let’s ignore food.
So, it was about 10 on a Thursday night in December 1997, and I was having a beer with some friends. And about 10 Walmart employees were the last folks standing from a work party that evidently started much, much earlier. And I’m not being stereotypical – they really were Walmart employees. The bar was across from the Walmart. A few of them were wearing their blue smocks.
Like many office parties, this one had gotten sloppy. But it was about to get sloppier.
From across the crowded bar, I noticed a woman sitting on the edge of the Walmart group. She took a sip from her pint glass at the same moment her body said, “Hell no! Everybody out!” She threw up into her half-full glass.
Now, this sounds like a pretty good plan. Vomit is contained! Her coworkers are none the wiser! Except!
The thing about vomit is that it comes out with some force. So, the puke that flew out of her mouth hit the Natural Light in her glass like a punch. The two liquids combined, hit the bottom of the glass, and ricocheted back, up, and out of the glass.
Basically, this lady ended up with a Natty Light / vomit cocktail all over her face and hair. She was soaked.
That’s a bad day. But here’s the best part! She grabbed some napkins and kind of wiped herself off, looking around and hoping that no one saw what happened. And everyone in her group was so drunk that they missed the whole thing! And so she sat there and regained her composure and then rejoined the conversation like nothing happened.
And that, my friends, is a Christmas miracle.