All this talk about stomach bugs makes me look back on the most glorious vomit scene I have ever witnessed.
Of course, I’m going to share it with you.
There was this bar I frequented post-college. It was there that I learned the magic of putting cheese on a BLT. But for the sake of this story, let’s ignore food.
So, it was about 10 on a Thursday night in December 1997, and I was having a beer with some friends. And about 10 Walmart employees were the last folks standing from a work party that evidently started much, much earlier. And I’m not being stereotypical – they really were Walmart employees. The bar was across from the Walmart. A few of them were wearing their blue smocks.
Like many office parties, this one had gotten sloppy. But it was about to get sloppier.
From across the crowded bar, I noticed a woman sitting on the edge of the Walmart group. She took a sip from her pint glass at the same moment her body said, “Hell no! Everybody out!” She threw up into her half-full glass.
Now, this sounds like a pretty good plan. Vomit is contained! Her coworkers are none the wiser! Except!
The thing about vomit is that it comes out with some force. So, the puke that flew out of her mouth hit the Natural Light in her glass like a punch. The two liquids combined, hit the bottom of the glass, and ricocheted back, up, and out of the glass.
Basically, this lady ended up with a Natty Light / vomit cocktail all over her face and hair. She was soaked.
That’s a bad day. But here’s the best part! She grabbed some napkins and kind of wiped herself off, looking around and hoping that no one saw what happened. And everyone in her group was so drunk that they missed the whole thing! And so she sat there and regained her composure and then rejoined the conversation like nothing happened.
And that, my friends, is a Christmas miracle.
5 Comments
Another Christmas miracle – two posts from Becky in two consecutive days! This story is awesome. That must have been something incredible (not to mention gross) to witness? I can only imagine the work drama and stress they were coping with. Long story – try to shorten and do it justice: my brother and I studied in Ireland in college for one year. We traveled around Europe over Christmas break. We were in Prague with his two roomies for his birthday on Dec. 27th. Beer was cheap. They didn’t ask in the bar/restaurant if you wanted one, just tossed a stein on the table and made a tick mark on a paper on the table. One by one all 3 men passed out and left me sitting there (I had desperately waved off more drinks hours prior). Eventually I got them all to wake up and make their way to the door. We made it thru the door and a few steps away when my brother tossed his cookies. He is 6 foot 4. Food was cheap too, so that was a lot of cookies. There was a line of people waiting to get in the place. Quite unforgettable.
Ohhh nooooo. I have some experience attempting to wrangle very tall, very drunk people. The physics alone are astounding! Glad you at least got a funny story out of the deal.
That? Sounds epic. It’s so easy to forget the FORCE of vomit. Reminds me of when a student blew chunks all over his desk and his partner’s work…then stood to leave for the bathroom, began to throw up again, covered his mouth with one hand to hold it back and that had the same effect of holding one’s thumb over the end of a hose going full-flow. Vomit splatter ALL OVER–the walls, desks, floor, and his fellow students.
I love that she pulled off the moment without anyone the wiser. THAT is saying something.
I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything while I read this, because it would have ended up all over my laptop!
I should have posted a warning!