Who will be Queen of the Prom?

It’s not nice to brag. And it’s not honest to make your life look better online than it really is. But I just have to tell you.

I bought this. For six whole American dollars. And it has alllllll the pieces.

I know. I know!

So Barbie Queen of the Prom came home with me. And my friend Jen saw it and lost her damned mind. And I was reminded why I like her so much.

Long story short: we conspired to throw a surprise Barbie Queen of the Prom party for our unsuspecting husbands.

We bought them tuxedo t-shirts and fashioned boutonnieres and corsages out of Dollar Store flowers. We had tiaras and a cake with a Barbie in the middle of it, so it looked like the cake was Barbie’s ball gown. The boy dogs wore ties and Ruby wore a “dress” fashioned out of an old tank top.

It was a to-do.

Obviously.

And then there were our prom dresses. We hit a variety of thrift stores looking for the ideal get-ups. Jen found two numbers that cost a combined $11 and created an instant professional wardrobe should she ever decide to become a model on “The Price is Right.”

I had a slightly harder time finding a gown. It is not as fun shopping for a prom dress when you’re no longer shaped like a junior. In other words: BOOBS.

So many dresses. So few that would zip up.

I loved this one for the “Dynasty”-esque power of those shoulder pads. It made me want to curl my bangs and slap Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan in the face.

And then there was this beaute. I will admit that I was embarrassed to carry this monstrosity across the store because it was the color of a traffic cone and the size of a small rental car. A family of four could live in the skirt. And I had to use the handicapped dressing room because the gown wouldn’t even fit in a regular one.

All of this work? And then the back was about 18 inches from closing up in any sort of meaningful way. But at least we have photos.

I finally settled on a very boring navy bridesmaid gown. The woman at the checkout got wistful.

“I wish I had a reason to dress up,” she said.

Somehow, I morphed into someone magical like Dolly Parton. And I was all, “Honey, you do! My friend and I just made up a party because we wanted to dress up! You should do it!” And she laughed and was inspired.

I was inspired to go to Joann and EXPERIENCE THE CREATIVITY. After a mere hour of wandering aimlessly, I walked out with six floral accent butterflies, six yards of tulle, and some safety pins.

This is what happened.

And yes, I’m wearing my wedding headpiece, adorned with extra ribbon. Because why not?

About halfway through the night, I realized that our blinds were open and people could see what was happening inside our house. We closed the blinds, like we were doing drugs or something. Because honestly? A home prom when you’re in your 40s and obsessed with Barbie Queen of the Prom is … difficult to explain to the neighbors.

The game itself was pure chance. I kept landing on a space wherein I had to wait for Midge, delaying me from the important work of getting a boyfriend, joining a school club, and buying a prom dress. Fucking Midge.

My darling husband won. My Guy was crowned Queen of the Prom! Doesn’t he look proud?

In the days since the party, the game has stayed on our buffet – in a place of honor, but also because I don’t know where to put it. My Guy’s aunt saw it in the background of a photo and freaked out.

“Next time we’re together, we can play Queen of the Prom! I used to have that game!”

OMG. Yes. A thousand times, yes!

And then she killed me dead.

“Dad played that game with me when I got it and he was Queen of the Prom. So your husband is following in his Grandpa’s footsteps!”

I’ve never been so proud.

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14 Comments

  • Reply Leesa Gabel May 23, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    Queen of the Prom sounds so much better than Mystery Date!

    • Reply Becky Brown May 24, 2019 at 12:34 am

      We should play them both – for research!

  • Reply Kathryn Zahl May 23, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    You could spend a couple of birthdays in line at our JoAnn’s in Walla Walla! Therefore, I never go there. You did yourself proud!

    • Reply Becky Brown May 24, 2019 at 12:33 am

      Thanks! I did age a bit while standing in line … but it was obviously worth it.

  • Reply Ernie May 24, 2019 at 12:00 am

    What fun! Coach would NEVER go for that. I could not purchase enough beer to make it happen. I have a few funny prom stories up my sleeve- well one is just sad come to think of it. Tell you when you invite me to your next barbie prom party!

    • Reply Becky Brown May 24, 2019 at 12:32 am

      I’m looking forward to it!

  • Reply Connie Beloff May 24, 2019 at 1:35 am

    Oh my – this is priceless Becky and complete with photos!!

    • Reply Becky Brown May 24, 2019 at 2:42 am

      My gift to you! ❤️

  • Reply Allison Weaver May 24, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    I never thought any game could compete with Mystery Date, but I think you did it. And I think you look FABULOUS!

    • Reply Becky Brown May 29, 2019 at 2:20 am

      Oh, go on. 🙂

  • Reply Patti May 26, 2019 at 1:41 am

    Fucking Midge is right. I got stuck with that cut rate bitch every time because I had a big sister who always got the Barbie.

    • Reply Becky Brown May 29, 2019 at 2:21 am

      Midge SUUUUUCKS.

  • Reply melissa May 27, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    All of this is fantastic–from scoring the game to your husband winning–and then to learn your grandparents had the same experience!
    What good friends to rock the formal wear and be down for a quirky good time:)

    • Reply Becky Brown May 29, 2019 at 2:21 am

      They are good friends – and they don’t mind looking stupid. Obviously.

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