1. Mr. Wonderful recently referred to his super-sexy Dyson vacuum cleaner as “wife bait.” I laughed, but it does beat the hell out of my dowry, which is a rake with a handle held together with duct tape. No, I’m not kidding. My dad told me it was my dowry in about 1986. When the handle broke, I figured I was destined to be an old maid. I’m hoping Mr. Wonderful can look past the duct tape.
2. Mr. Wonderful and I stayed up waaaaaay too late last night, laughing ourselves silly and making up new verses to the diarrhea song. Yeah, you know you know it. Every verse is “Something something RHYME, something something RHYME, Diarrhea! Diarrhea!” My favorite new one is “When you want to take a breath, but the bathroom smells like death, Diarrhea! Diarrhea!”
Yes, I am a 12-year-old boy.
3. Nothing says “I love America!” like Neil Diamond. This is a scientifically proven fact. However, nothing says “I love America, and I grew up in the 70s!” like my love of this lovely, lovely gem. Happy Independence Day!