Corporate Behemoth MVP.

Today was only the second day in 17 that I have been at Corporate Behemoth. Yeah, I know. It was a bit of a shock.

I decided to treat myself and actually eat lunch in the cafeteria. I heated up my leftovers and sat down with a copy of Vanity Fair. I spent 15 decadent minutes flipping through the magazine and devouring pasta.

Then? I got annoyed with the middle-aged women at the table next to me. For the duration of my lunch, they were discussing the merits of the CBS Monday line-up. One woman could just not let go of one point.

“I know it’s supposed to be a good show, but I just don’t get the title. ‘How I Met Your Mother?’ Who is the mother? They never talk about her. How am I supposed to enjoy the show if it’s named after someone and I don’t know who it is?”

And then another woman would talk about Two and a Half Men, and then Clueless Lady would jump in with, “That is a good show. Much better than ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ I mean, who is the mother, anyway?”

And then they’d talk about Charlie Sheen, and then Clueless Lady would thoughtfully add, “Yes, I do like that Charlie Sheen. At least his show is about what the title says it is about: two and a half men – although that kid is getting big. That’s much better than ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ which isn’t even about a mother. None of those characters are even parents. I mean, really. What do they even know about child rearing?”

And then, I flung my empty plate at her, like a Frisbee of death. It hit her square in the temple, thanks to my ninja-like prowess. She fell to the ground, and I beat her to a pulp while everyone in the cafeteria hailed my efforts. When the carnage was over, my coworkers carried me on their shoulders back to my cube.

The cheering is still ringing in my ears. Obviously, I’ve still got game.

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