Why adulthood needs a how-to manual.

I was really tempting fate by titling my last post “One of the worst things to ever happen to me.”  I knew it at the time, but figured that Fate knew I was being cheeky.

Alas, Fate did not. She takes that shit seriously. Now, I’m facing life-or-death decisions.

Today, I received a text from My Guy. He had forgotten to feed the labradoodle. No big whoop! I can feed Big Doodle, no problem.

So, I trudged out to the garage and went to scoop kibble into Big Doodle’s bowl. Except! Except the kibble was moving.

There was a very fat mouse in the big ol’ Rubbermaid container that holds the dog food. Now, the container was almost empty, but this mouse had clearly gorged himself for a while. He was bloated and miserable – simultaneously at heaven’s buffet and suffering in indigestion hell.

This infestation might have had something to do with the fact that the lid for the container was on the floor, next to the Rubbermaid tub. While I’m no expert, I believe that lids tend to work best when actually placed on top of the container.


There’s nothing that makes me lose my housewifely mind like vermin in my house. So, clearly, the mouse needs to die, lest he end up in my silverware drawer. However … how? I want to be humane about it. I kind of don’t think that placing a mousetrap in the dog food container is going to get the desired result. Plus, I don’t actually want to put my hand near the mouse. Because he could, like, gnaw my arm off with his huge teeth.

I might be getting a poor little mouse with an eating disorder confused with a horror movie rabid rat.

So, right now, the mouse is in the Rubbermaid container with the lid on it. Uh … now what?

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  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) June 28, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    All possible scenarios are dangerous when it comes to rodents.

    My advice is to wait for your guy to come home and deal with it.
    It would be safest if you texted him to tell him that he is needed ASAP, and then leave the neighborhood until this situation is dealt with and OVER. I recommend a margarita bar as your safe place. Do you need me to come hold your hand and freak out with you?

  • Reply Jenny Hart Boren June 29, 2013 at 2:14 am

    My 'vast experience' with unwelcome lizards dictates that the sooner the mouse is dispatched, the better. (I throw the lizards outside, but they are less "verminous"than mice, in my opinion.) If he is still out there, Do these things: Get a Rubbermaid container with a lid. Take a deep breath. Scoop up the mouse. Hold the lid on. Dump him the toilet. Don't look at him. Shut the toilet lid. Flush several times. Exhale. Go have several drinks [with Karen] while you imagine putting the house the market.

    I'm actually wondering if your guy actually SAW the mouse but decided the best way to deal with his angst was to feign innocence and let YOU handle it; but I have a jaundiced outlook on the men-as-dragon-slayers issue.

  • Reply cookingwithgas June 29, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    mice, we have had many.
    First off if it is with children, she will have many. Carry the container out side, turn it over and let the mouse run out.
    Note, she might come right back in your house since she knows that you have good things to eat.
    Sticky traps have worked well for us, but they do not kill them dead.
    Flushing down the toilet, I am always afraid they will come back up- this has happened.
    My thoughts are a dead mouse is a good mouse.
    Last year I drove around with a mother mouse that decided to live in the truck of my car and- have babies…. before you think I am a slob, I live on a 100 ac. farm. There are more of them than me.

  • Reply Leesa June 29, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    Need me to bring my cats over for few hours?

  • Reply Cinny June 30, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    I do not recommend flushing. Because: 1-you would have to get it container-ized 2-you would then take it INTO your house [seriously??] 3-your aim would have to be perfectly timed with a flush and most importantly 4-sometimes furry little mouse bodies clog up drainage and then you have to dig up the whole yard. Ask me how I know.

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