Two bad things and one awesome thing.

1. I’m turning into my mother: I backed into my husband’s car.


Back in the day, my dad had a brand-new 1984 Buick Park Avenue. That car was The Shit. We named it Fred.

When Fred was new and still rocking his new-car smell, my mom kind of backed into him in the driveway. She was gone for a very long time, and by the time she came back in the house to ‘fess up, we thought she’d left and come back. Really, she’d been sitting the driveway, trying to figure out if she could blame the big dent on the paperboy. But she ultimately came inside and asked, “Do you love me?” My dad just looked at her and said, “You hit the car.” Then, he began his mantra of “It’s just a car” – kinda to my mom, mostly to himself.

Now, when it was my turn to back into my husband’s truckasaurus? I came back into the house immediately and was all, “Your CAR is in the FUCKING DRIVEWAY! I HIT your FUCKING CAR.”

Yes, my anger was somewhat misdirected. I have never been in the running for Miss Congeniality, and that’s OK.

But my sweet husband surveyed the damage, hugged me, and wasn’t mad. Basically, it’ll buff right out. Except for the hole in back quarter panel of my trusty Honda. That, we’re just gonna live with, like a signal to the rest of the world that I cannot be trusted to back my vehicle.

2. Our microwave died.

I see this as a minor inconvenience. My Guy is devastated. To him, the microwave dying is on par with our entire house burning to the ground.

He wanted to reheat a pork chop for lunch today. He earnestly turned to me and said, “I guess I’ll put it in the oven. I figured 350 or 400 for 20 minutes. Does that sound about right?”

Oh, sweet friend.

3. My brother and his awesome bride became parents today.

By all accounts, their daughter is the most beautiful and perfect baby ever in the history of babies. Huzzah!

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  • Reply cookingwithgas October 7, 2013 at 11:09 am

    Congratulations on the baby.
    I understand the car….been there.
    Microwave, we replaced ours last year.

  • Reply Leesa October 7, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Congratulations on becoming an auntie!!
    What's your secret for breaking a microwave? I've been trying to break ours for years in order to get a new one.

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin October 7, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Oh, the SHAME of hitting a car parked in your driveway. I've done it, too. WTF with parking a car right there?
    Congrats on the baby.
    And the new microwave.

  • Reply Cyndi B. October 7, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    We've had a few accidents like that in our family too. The best one was our oldest FLYING into Dad's car. Her jeep was fine. Dad's sedan…not so much.

    Congratulations, Auntie. I know you're going to be the favorite aunt because you're cool, fun and know how to plan a kick-ass party.

  • Reply Sharon Lee Kubichek October 8, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    congrats on niece!
    invite some hulking teenage boys over. they are excellent at breaking microwaves.
    i hooked the bumper on my husband's old truck onto the side of the garage somehow, and pulled it partly off the foundation.
    it runs in our family.

  • Reply smalltownme October 8, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    I've never backed into one of our own cars but my husband has! Backed my car out of the garage into the bumper of our son's car. Fortunately he was going so slowly there was no damage.

    Our microwave died a couple years ago and I "borrowed" my son's. I finally replaced it today! Ha ha. He never really used it much so he didn't mind the delay.

  • Reply Banjo Unfabulousness October 8, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    I have had those idiot car mistakes….. I laughed so hard I sputtered coffee across my desk when I ready about yours! Oh, I mean I laughed WITH you, not AT you!

  • Reply Mrs. G. October 9, 2013 at 3:33 am

    "Oh, sweet friend."

    I'm stealing this line (complete with its myriad of possible interpretations)and incorporating it into my marital lexicon.

  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) October 9, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Congratulations on your beautiful niece!
    I backed into my huband's car in the driveway TWICE in one week. He put that news in the Christmas letter. Me? I totally blamed him for parking incorrectly in the driveway.

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