I just got home from a weekend with the fam.
Best Family Sporting Event
Bocce ball. We played with Poochie’s BFF, whom we all admit is our parents’ second favorite child, after the shih tzu. The day was gorgeous, the dogs kept trying to catch the Bocce balls, and I kept my losing streak intact. I scored no points. All afternoon.
Best Random match.com E-mail
Dear Cha Cha,
I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you a while. I have been focusing on someone special here on match, and it’s to the point where it wouldn’t be fair for anyone if I continue building other relationships. I think you’re great and that we would definitely have fun together. If circumstances change, I hope you don’t mind if I contact you. But for now, I hope you understand.
Best of luck,
How nice for Dude to acknowledge all of this – I think this is classy and truly wish him the best.
Worst Random match.com E-mail
Dear Cha Cha,
I apologize for the long delay in replying. As it turns out, I’ve met someone through this site and we are enjoying spending time together. In addition, my view of Christianity is quite a bit more orthodox than yours. So, from that point of view, we are obviously not a good match.
You have a wicked sense of humor. Best of luck.
That’s fine, Some Guy. I didn’t realize that real Christianity involved e-mailing match.com contacts on Easter morning, but I guess you know better than I do. Besides, I’m too busy burning in hell to date you, anyway.
Easter bandannas, of course.
Best Reaction to Lil’ Frankfurter Barking and Peeing Inside All Weekend
Cha Cha: So, Dad, I can get you a dachshund reeaaaal cheap.
Cha Cha: What’s it gonna take to get you into a dachshund today?
Dad: I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk.
Best Reaction to the Long-Term, Ongoing Feud Between Cha Cha and Poochie Over Their Mother’s Avocado Green Circa 1969 Crock Pot That They Both Want Upon Her Unfortunate Demise
Mom: If you kids can’t work it out, I am going to be cremated! And then they’ll put my ashes in the crock pot! And then you’ll just have to pass it back and forth and nobody will get to use it!
Best Appearance By a Long-Lost Friend
Krampus the Christmas Frog is back! And fresh as a spring day in his Easter finery.
Krampus surprised the family by hiding in the pantry in front of the breakfast cereal. And later? I stepped out of the shower to find a terrifying message on the steamed-up mirror:
Krampus will come for YOU!
I expected to find Krampus sitting in the hallway with a knife, but he was actually pretty mellow this fine Easter weekend. I think he had too much sugar. I blame Peeps.