After the lovin’.

So, umm? I sort of had five dates in five days. I took Friday off. I had two dates today.

Being nice and pretending to be normal? It is exhausting.

Wednesday: Mexican with The Guy Who Looks Like Dubya. I figured this would be a one-off, but he was funny. Like, he completely surprised me with his sense of humor. He is 11 years older than I am, which seems sort of weird, but I guess it isn’t. We’re planning to go out again.

Thursday: Second Chance Guy. Ugh.

Friday: A day of rest. As God intended.

Saturday: Dinner with Mr. Interwebnets. I like him very much. And he scares the holy living bejesus out of me. Because he really, really likes me, says he thanks God for bringing me into his life and told me that he had a date with someone else planned the day after our first date – and cancelled, based on our first date.

We had A Talk.

This is the first time I’ve dated as an adult. Because really? I’ve only really dated two whole men since I was 22. 22! I was practically an embryo. So, I know that it’s important for me to meet numerous people and date different types of people and do it all on my terms. Intellectually, I know this.

But emotionally? Emotionally, I’m all, “Mr. Interwebnets is going to be so upset. I’m not (fill in the blank) enough for him. Sure, he acts like he really likes me, but if he really gets to know me, he’s so not going to like me at all.”

So, we had A Talk and I told him that I am dating other people and I’m terrified and I haven’t really dated as an adult and I need to do this. He said it was hard to hear, but it didn’t change the way he felt about me, and that I should do whatever I needed to do. And he’d date other people, too.

He was very kind. And I feel … incredibly broken. The Ex-Boyfriend Formerly Known as Mr. Wonderful and Ex-Ex really did a number on me. And I’m still allowing it to impact me. I believe this is known as being gun shy.

Sunday: I met Guy With Dogs to walk his two large labradoodles. We walked about four miles, which was crazy – I can’t even walk Lil’ Frankfurter for one mile without having to carry him. But large dogs? I felt somewhat liberated … and also like we should start some sort of hauling service to take advantage of their brute strength.

Guy With Dogs is very funny and has kind eyes. And? Well, he figured that Foxie Doxie and Lil’ Frankfurter didn’t have their act together for Mother’s Day. So, he brought me two pink roses as a Mother’s Day gift from my dogs.

We’ll be going out again.

Sunday #2: So, a random guy e-mailed me on match and mentioned – among other things – that he was going to see Englebert Humperdink in concert. When I didn’t freak out, he invited me to join him.

Now, what sort of blogger would I be if I declined a first date – really, a blind date – at an Englebert Humperdink show? I would be a giant disappointment of a blogger. And your consternation would just be too much to bear.

So, I met Mr. Englebert Fan at a local casino tonight. We bought tickets and then ate at the buffet. This was my first casino buffet experience. Was it worth $25 a person? No, I dare say it was not. Not at all. Maybe if we’d camped out for several hours and actually ingested more than $2.13 in food.

Sorry. I’m from Iowa. We can make a casserole out of lint and make it taste like prime rib. I’m just sayin’.

After getting robbed at the buffet, we went to the concert. Our boy Englebert? I gotta say – he’s got it going on. He’s 73 and still has a great voice. His show was very Vegas.

I had asked Mr. Englebert Fan if he was a casual fan or a big fan. He’s assured me he was a casual fan and just interested in seeing a living legend. And yet? And yet, after every song, Mr. Englebert Fan stood up and screamed “Niiiiiiice!” Then, he sat down and fist-bumped me.

Yes. I got fist-bumped at an Englebert Humperdink concert. I’m not making this up.

I started sort of spacing off (sorry, Englebert), thinking about how my family would react if I showed up with Mr. Englebert Guy and acted as though he hung the moon. My folks are nice people, but surely they would notice that when he spoke, Mr. Englebert Guy rolled his eyes. Like, for emphasis. Like, on every sentence. And surely my parents would pick up on the vibe I had at dinner when I had the sudden realization that the evening would be a lot more fun if Mr. Englebert Fan was my gay pal and not a date, and with that turtleneck he was sporting, it really wasn’t that far off, now was it?

And then Englebert sang “After the lovin'” and I returned to Earth.

After the show, Mr. Englebert Fan raved and went on and on and on about the show and the (I admit it’s true) incredible talents of Mr. Humperdink. There was more fist-bumping.

Then, we parted ways. He went to the men’s room in lieu of escorting me to my car in the casino parking lot. Safety first, Englebert fans!

I got a voicemail from him a few minutes ago. He realized that I left with his ticket stub, and he likes to save such things, so would I please hang on to it for him? Thanks.

The things I do for you people.

Image courtesy of Google Images.

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