Something to believe in.

I’m back.

I’m not on Poison’s tour bus. I wasn’t given the opportunity to follow Green Girl’s kind advice and wear protection. I also didn’t have the opportunity to ask Def Leppard if they remembered Andi’s firm boobies, which she flashed at various roadies to get backstage back in the day.

Sorry, ladies.

However, I will say that the concert? Really super fun, despite the fact that the people sitting next to Guy With Two Dogs evidently hadn’t bathed since, like, Rock of Ages-era Def Leppard. pre-our-drummer-lost-his-arm-in-a-car-accident-back-when-leg-warmers-were-still-cool Def Leppard.

But I’m getting off track.

The show? Outstanding. With both bands, I found myself being surprised, realizing, “Oh, yeah! I know this song!” And yeah, I knew every song, with the exception of the one song Def Leppard played off their new album. Because that’s how I roll.

And My Rock of Love, Mr. Bret Michaels? Is a showman of the Neil Diamond / Barry Manilow School of Kick-Ass Awesomeness. He was high-energy and gave his audience what they wanted. And what they wanted was to be transported back to 1988.

I was a bit taken aback, though, when Bret started talking about his support of the armed forces. People jumped to their feet like God’s own football team was in the house. It was like dedicating a song to members of the military gave Bret mystical powers, or carte blanche.

My dad is a veteran. I understand that we have to support the individuals, even if we aren’t necessarily on board with the overall military action. But really? Bret managed to pimp his dating reality show while thanking fans for supporting the band and the military. I think he’s just shrewd.

But yeah, if / when Rock of Love comes back for a fourth season, I’ll watch. Because he is funny. And drunk strippers competing for the pseudo-affections of a weave-sporting rocker are funny. And I feel so very, very balanced and normal in comparison.

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