We’re not equal. I’m much smarter.

I told a lie today.

But it was for a good cause, I swear!

I was walking down the hallway at Corporate Behemoth. And who should be walking toward me but Creepy Rajeev!

I think we all know Creepy Rajeev – he’s the coworker who loves alllll the ladies, whether they love him or not. And in most cases? They don’t. They don’t love his cologne. And they don’t love the way he turns even the most innocuous workplace small talk into an exchange that makes you worry about VD.

Also? The ladies generally don’t care for his omnipresent turtleneck / sport coat combo. Just sayin’.

So, today, I walked toward Creepy Rajeev and there was no hiding. We were in a hallway. So, I bit the bullet.

“Hi, Rajeev.”

“Well. Hello, Cha Cha.”

And it was at this point that Creepy Rajeev stuck out his hand – but not really stuck it out. More like offered his hand, but kept it close to his body, as if to force me closer. Creepy Rajeev can’t talk to a lady without palpating her in some way.

This is where my lie came in.

“Uh, no. I’m sick.”

Yes. I’m tempting karma and fate by pretending I couldn’t shake his hand because I have a cold.

I guess it wasn’t that much of a lie, though. Because I am sick. I’m sick of being molested by my creepy coworker.

I went through a phase where I was just daring Creepy Rajeev to be just creepy enough where I could go to HR. Now? I’m mostly avoiding him. Like, dodging into the ladies’ room if I see him coming.

I must admit that I’m almost impressed with Creepy Rajeev’s tactics. I few months ago, I was leaving the Corporate Behemoth parking garage and I was in a big fat hurry. And I got behind this SUV that was driving So. Freakin’. Slow.

I was annoyed. And then I realized that the SUV was driving slow because the driver was driving alongside a woman who was walking to her car. The driver had his window rolled down and was talking to the pedestrian. And the driver was Creepy Rajeev.

OK, funny.

The lady got into her car. Creepy Rajeev drove on … until he came upon another woman walking to her car. Rinse and repeat.

He didn’t accost any men walking to their cars. Only women.

And when we ended up side-by-side in adjacent lanes at a light? I could feel Creepy Rajeev looking at me. He could have pulled up, but he kept his SUV even with my car. And I suddenly remembered something very important that I needed to find in my purse.

I have trouble watching Mad Men because the way the women are treated in the office is so incredibly troubling. But I think it’s safe to say that complete equality in the workplace – at least my workplace – still doesn’t exist.

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