Awesome things I’ve learned this week.

1. I should not be allowed to use super glue. 
Being the high-maintenance doxie about town that he is, Lil’ Frankfurter cannot use a plastic food dish. He demands a ceramic dish because anything else is just uncouth. And Lil’ Frank shows his displeasure by chewing any and all plastic dishes that might disgrace his kennel.

So, when his ceramic dish broke, it was a dire situation. But, being a DIY diva, I can fix this, right?

I washed the 2 pieces of the bowl … and sliced my hand open on the jagged edge. Then, after some serious blood loss, I bandaged the carnage and opened my new tube of super glue … which promptly exploded all over my hand and the kitchen counter.

I managed to glue the dish, realizing as I pieced it together that 2 of my fingers were glue to each other, and the side of my hand was glued to the counter top.

I am a winner. I also should not be a spokes model for super glue – unless the super glue people have a sense of humor and would welcome me saying stuff like, “Super glue? That shit sets fast” while I was glued to, you know, my kitchen.

2. Lack of air conditioning causes insane dreams. 
You know what’s neat? When it’s still 90-some degrees on a daily basis, and your gajillion-year-old HVAC system completely dies. Like, gonna-replace-the-furnace-and-the-AC-and-some-duct-work kinda neat. Like, gonna-eat-ramen-for-years kinda neat.

But in my feverish attempts to sleep in the heat, I have had some amazing dreams.

Evidently, I am auditioning for American Idol.

And, evidently, My Guy and I went on a cruise, but didn’t actually have a cabin on the ship. And so he abandoned me for a family that had a big cabin.

He refuses to apologize for this. He keeps saying something about dreams not being real, or some such nonsense.

3. SNL has rotted my brain.
All through the PBS coverage of the Democratic National Convention, I look at Gwen Ifill …

… but I see Queen Latifah.

I blame Tina Fey.

Images courtesy of google.

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