I guess this is progress.

Two things made me laugh today:

  1. I love those stupid Swiffer ads that feature the mop and the broom pining away for the housewife to the tune of “Baby Come Back.” I think that song is hilarious and wonderful, and the idea of a mop paying a mariachi band to play it to try to woo the housewife? Well, it about makes me pee my pants every time. Because yes, I am just that simple.
  2. I took my dogs for separate walks today. Geriatric Poodle’s walk is more of a sniffing meander around the block that takes about half an hour. You can tell from his gait that he thinks he is hot shit, and that pleases me. Foxie Doxie’s power walk entails a 12-pound dog screaming and pulling me. The screaming isn’t like “OMG, someone is hurt.” It’s more of a “hearn hearn HEARN hearn” that makes you wonder, “OMG, what is she doing to that poor animal?” It’s a subtle but important difference.

    Anyway, Foxie Doxie stopped to smell a tree. Evidently the scent was intense and definitely required a rebuttal – literally. He peed on the tree, then in a flash of movement turned around and pooped against the tree. Except the poo ricocheted off the tree and bounced about a foot away from the tree, almost hitting my shoe. This is what I think of your problems, mama.

Yeah. My people are a simple people. This is a start.

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