I’ll be there for you.

Today, we continue our stroll down memory lane and The Many Loves of Cha Cha. Thanks to BFF for her inspiring, thorough haiku. Today, we’ll be studying the first stanza of her masterpiece:

Your eighth grade boyfriend?
Fabulous! Cute, funny, smart
Too bad he likes men

I had my very first crush in eighth grade. I adored this boy, and I adore the man he is today. And ladies, let me tell you: if you didn’t have a gay eighth grade boyfriend, I recommend you go out and pick one up now. Because he will give you handbags for Christmas and always tell you you’re beautiful.

We grew up down the street from each other. And he was an older man – I was in eighth grade, and he was in ninth. He was the first boy I ever called on the phone. I was so nervous that he said, “This doesn’t sound like Cha Cha.”

I responded, “No, you’re right. It’s her evil twin, Ramona.” Pretty sassy for being 13. And then we became sort of inseparable.

We would hang out with my brother and create obstacle courses like those on the show Double Dare. We’d set the timer on the microwave and then have so many seconds to get through challenges like finding a Cheerio in a bowl of ketchup or pulling a water balloon out of the bottom of the toilet.

Yeah, this was usually while my parents weren’t home. Why do you ask?

And really, what sort of wholesome existence did I have where the “bad” thing I did when my parents weren’t home involved making obstacle courses with my brother?

I developed a very serious crush. We “went out” for maybe two months, and then I was devastated when we broke up. But really? He’s pretty much my best break-up, hands down. My entire family adores him. And my mom always asks about his partner, and if that man is good enough for him. Actually, she wants to set him up with Nate Berkus from Oprah.

So, yeah, there’s a lot of love there. Is anybody else out there still adoring a junior high love?

Next up: A dissection of the second stanza of BFF’s haiku. Breaking up over the phone: Is Cha Cha really that crass?

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