Goodbye to you.

So, my trip down memory lane, courtesy of BFF’s stellar haiku, continues.

She writes:

Breaking up by phone
Ever done that, dear Cha Cha?
Yes! With MY cousin!

Well, yeah.

I was a junior in high school. He lived an hour away. It was not a love connection, but he thought I was just awesome. But, again, he lived an hour away.

So, one night when he called me, I told him something along the lines of “dude, I’m not feeling it.” Or something like that. I think we’d been out on two dates. I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Fast forward almost a year. BFF and I are at the Iowa State Fair, and her cousin and his friend are hanging out with us at the campground. BFF is reading an issue of Sassy magazine, and evidently zeroed in on some article about breakups.

“Have you ever broken up with someone over the phone?” she asked me.

I gave her the look of death. A silence fell over the group.

BFF and I had evidently not perfected the “volumes with one eyebrow lift” communication we now share. She continued, “I just think it’s soooo tacky! I can’t imagine ever doing that!”

And … scene!

So, yeah, I was tacky. But again – he lived an hour away!

I still have the same issues. I need to tell Mr. Date Guy that given his flaketastic behavior, he needn’t call me again. Except … except he did call, and when I called him back, fulling intending to say “Sayanara, sucka!” I was working so hard to keep the conversation moving – moving anywhere – that I just gave up and told him I was tired and got off the phone. It ended up being a 10-minute “I just called to say I called you.”


And … well, I didn’t tell you all this, as I got sidetracked, but … I actually had a blind date last Sunday. He was the son of a coworker of my friend’s mom. Got that?

Well, he was very nice. But there is no attraction whatsoever. And he is of the “I’ll call her Friday night and if she doesn’t answer I’ll call again Saturday morning” pattern of communication.

HELP ME. What do I say to these men? I want to be kind, which is the only thing stopping me from being a total bitch and just never returning their calls. I know that’s wrong. I’m not totally tacky, no matter what BFF might say.

In other news … I’m going to prison tomorrow!

Yes. I’m going to a local prison to meet a dachshund who is part of a special program where prisoners train homeless dogs. He is up for adoption, and Foxie Doxie and I are going to do a meet and greet. I am nervous – it’s another first date.

“I can’t date you; I’m going to prison” is an option for breaking the bad news to the other guys, I suppose.

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