Somewhat unavailable.

Two weeks ago, Alice left me a breathless voicemail.

“Cha Cha! It’s Alice. Listen. I went out with some girls from the Chamber last night, and it turns out that a guy in our program has gotten divorced. I had no idea he was getting divorced, but now he’s looking to meet some nice young ladies and I can’t wait for you guys to meet!”

Turns out that Divorced Guy was married for … 18 years. And has two teenagers. But Alice adores him, and if he was married for 18 years, he should be housebroken. Which is more than I can say about some folks who shall remain nameless.


I have found myself actually excited about meeting this guy. The idea of trying new folks on for size is appealing. Like a movie, I’m curious to know how it’s all going to work out.

So, Alice has been meaning to introduce me to Divorced Guy. She called me at work this morning with an update.

She had called Divorced Guy and there was small talk. Then? Sweet Alice said, “So, I understand you’re divorced.”

And strangely, Divorced Guy was completely silent.

She continued, “Well, I have this really great friend …”

She talked about me and said some nice stuff. And finally, Divorced Guy cut her off. Turns out, he’s not Divorced Guy at all. He’s Separated And Not Sure What’s Going to Happen But Definitely Not Dating Guy.

Now, to his credit, he apologized for the misinformation and told Alice that he was ultimately responsible for any information about his personal life that was floating about. I found that to be incredibly classy.

But Alice’s description of what happened next provided my ab workout for the day.

She told me, “You know how sometimes you can hear yourself talk? And you know you need to stop talking? But you can’t? It was totally like that! He told me that if he’s ever single, he’d definitely want to meet you, but then I just couldn’t stop talking and I told him that you’d had a run of bad dating luck – although I didn’t tell him that you dated that ass Ex-Ex for seven years – and that I hoped that you’d find someone to have fun with before he gets his act together, I mean, if he gets divorced, which I don’t necessarily hope for him, you guys would have a lot of fun, but you need someone to have fun with now, and so he isn’t a lot of help, and I feel terrible and I just couldn’t stop talking!”

Alice is poised. Alice wears pantyhose every single day. And Alice makes me laugh like it’s going out of style.

And really? We should all be so lucky to have a friend who is willing to go out on a limb – and even end up making a minor fool of themselves – for us. Thanks, Alice.

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