Hey jealousy.

I think I’ve snapped out of my “I can’t believe I’m here (aka single, never married, no kids, giant loser)” funk. I’d like to thank:

1. Take Your Child to Work Day. This morning, the lobby at Corporate Behemoth was filled with nervous young lads and lasses accompanying mom and dad to work. I was on the elevator with an earnest boy of about 9 and his dad. The boy was carrying a Corporate Behemoth bag and looked at his dad for confirmation that they should get off at the 15th floor. I wanted to just eat him with a spoon.

By lunch, the cuteness had … faded. The cafeteria was filled with slightly frazzled parents and their hyper offspring who couldn’t believe that pizza and pop were available for lunch EVERY DAY!

By about 3:30, the parents were easily identifiable: haggard, short-tempered and sporting paper-clip necklaces. They left early.

2. My shrink. We talked – again – about I Can’t Believe I’m Here, and she said, “Honey, you are so lucky you didn’t marry Ex-Ex! You could have Baby Number One, and Baby Number Two, or maybe Baby Number One and then Twins, and you’d be with that loser or you’d be alone with all those kids! Be glad you’re eating cereal and a chocolate chip cookie for dinner.”

I lurve her.

3. Poochie. Because he is my friend, always makes me laugh, and has agreed to help paint my house. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a brother who is A Man?

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