You don’t even know.

This weekend, I traveled to Iowa to see my parents. Then my dad and I traveled to the Hoosier State, where we once again saw The Greatest Spectacle in Racing.

It was 96 degrees. I got heat rash from my underwire. And Dario Franchitti won, and we don’t really like him because his wife is a camera hog and acts like she’s the one who just drove 500 miles and that’s just distasteful.

But I digress.

The real excitement started when we got back to the homestead Monday night. I helped my mom in her garden and evidently really pissed off some highly venomous insect while I was watering. I got stung on the joint of my thumb. And it hurt really really badly and I think I cursed and I definitely dropped the hose. But then I womaned up, picked up the hose, and continued watering, letting the cold water numb the sting.

Then I put away the hose. And my thumb really hurt. So I put some baking soda on it. And then went to help my mom in the front yard. And then I realized that my entire hand hurt and had turned a lovely shade of Death Red, a color that complemented the swelling.

And then I remembered how cool it is to be with your parents, who are required by law to keep you alive.

There was ice. There was a trip to the HyVee Food Store for Benadryl. And a phone call from my dad, who wanted to know exactly which of the 17 varieties of Benadryl we were requesting.

And then I took said Benadryl and promptly turned into Druggie Daughter. Everything was soooo funny. My mom asked if we should have potatoes with dinner and I thought I was going to pee my pants – I had never heard anything so fantastic.

I just kept thinking, “I got stung on my thumb, and now I’m losing my mind and will probably have to have my entire arm amputated, but I’m supposed to be back at work on Wednesday and gee, maybe I should eat something because that Benadryl is making me loopy, but you aren’t supposed to eat before surgery, but if it’s emergency surgery, do they make an exception?”

We had dinner. There were no potatoes. But at some point, I stopped laughing and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I went to bed before 9 p.m. for pretty much the first time in my life, ever.

And then? The phone rang at 7:30 this morning. And you will never guess what happened then!

But if you stay tuned tomorrow, I’ll tell you. Trust me, it’s really, really cool …

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