Follow your dreams!

I’m going to start a new business. A business that’s based on my true gifts and talents.

Yes. As I’m sure you already guessed, I’m going to open a pet-naming business. Because I’m really good at naming pets.

It came to me in a dream. I dreamed that I bought one of these modern condo-looking fishbowls.

This is totally an affiliate link because if you buy this beyond-awesome fish bowl, I want to know, and I want to be your friend.

Anyway, in my dream, the condo fish bowl was inhabited by 2 goldfish: Irv and Charlene.

I think we all agree that those are the best goldfish names ever, with the possible exception of Goldfish Meir.

My subconscious is clearly very, very talented in the realm of pet naming. And so, it’s my duty to offer my gift to the people.

My Guy is supportive of this new venture, and did point out that he was the one who named the 2 pugs we used to pass regularly. He dubbed them Steve and Yolanda, and those are pretty fantastic pug names. I may consider bringing my husband in as a business partner at a later date.

But in the meantime, I’d like to offer a free sample of what I have to offer.

Let’s say you need to name a lizard. Might I offer up Walter, Elvira, and Senor Wiggletail as options?

Or maybe you need to name a very mean cat. Clearly, naming is the best way for you to get back at a feline asshole. Consider channeling your revenge with a moniker like Bertrand, Nefario, or maybe just He Who Shall Not Be Named.

As for dogs? Well, let’s just say I once named an emotionally unstable doxie with Cleopatra eyes “Ralphie.”

I have mad street cred there.

Need a pet named? Let me know in the comments and I will hook you up.

Also … why yes, I am somewhat sleep-deprived. Why do you ask?

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  • Reply Becky March 4, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Having named a dog "Doggy" (I was under two!) and every cat I had growing up "Ernie" (so I'd remember their name), I'm totally enlisting your services next time we get a pet.

  • Reply Cha Cha March 4, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    Becky, to be fair? Ernie is an EXCELLENT cat name. But I would be honored to name any future critters!

  • Reply Karen (formerly kcinnova) March 4, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Punk rock apparel shop near my high school had a small poodle named "Kitty." You are much more creative!

    So if I were to get another pet (dog or cat) — and in consideration of the present pet names, which are completely unrelated but rather coincidentally "Moses" and "Cleopatra" — what would you name the next ones?

  • Reply Green Girl in Wisconsin March 6, 2016 at 3:23 am

    Play to your strengths, right? I like the fish names best.

  • Reply Dziesma March 6, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    This is a grand idea! A friend of mine had cats named Gin and Tonic.

  • Reply Kari Wagner March 7, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    Do you know they have people who get paid to potty train children??
    Go get your business going!!
    Can I be a part of it?
    I need something to do other than shuffle up and down the street in my bathrobe and yell at the neighbors to pick up their damn trash.

  • Reply Jennifer VM March 8, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I'm trying to come up with names for the two Canadian geese with wing injuries who wander forlornly in my apartment complex all winter. Fred and Hazel is what I have now, but Steve and Yolanda is also a viable option. I would appreciate your advice, Pet Naming Maven.

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