I’m going to start a new business. A business that’s based on my true gifts and talents.
Yes. As I’m sure you already guessed, I’m going to open a pet-naming business. Because I’m really good at naming pets.
It came to me in a dream. I dreamed that I bought one of these modern condo-looking fishbowls.
This is totally an affiliate link because if you buy this beyond-awesome fish bowl, I want to know, and I want to be your friend.
Anyway, in my dream, the condo fish bowl was inhabited by 2 goldfish: Irv and Charlene.
I think we all agree that those are the best goldfish names ever, with the possible exception of Goldfish Meir.
My subconscious is clearly very, very talented in the realm of pet naming. And so, it’s my duty to offer my gift to the people.
My Guy is supportive of this new venture, and did point out that he was the one who named the 2 pugs we used to pass regularly. He dubbed them Steve and Yolanda, and those are pretty fantastic pug names. I may consider bringing my husband in as a business partner at a later date.
But in the meantime, I’d like to offer a free sample of what I have to offer.
Let’s say you need to name a lizard. Might I offer up Walter, Elvira, and Senor Wiggletail as options?
Or maybe you need to name a very mean cat. Clearly, naming is the best way for you to get back at a feline asshole. Consider channeling your revenge with a moniker like Bertrand, Nefario, or maybe just He Who Shall Not Be Named.
As for dogs? Well, let’s just say I once named an emotionally unstable doxie with Cleopatra eyes “Ralphie.”
I have mad street cred there.
Need a pet named? Let me know in the comments and I will hook you up.
Also … why yes, I am somewhat sleep-deprived. Why do you ask?