Oops, he crapped my pants.

Li’l Frankfurter has been having A Time.

Five days ago, I was shoving Doritos into my gaping maw. I dropped one third of a Dorito. And Li’l Frank, he of the sensitive GI tract and strict no-grain diet, scarfed it up immediately.

Well, what’s done is done.

You know that scene in “Bridesmaids” where Melissa McCarthy is all, “It’s flowing out of me like lava?” Yeah. It’s been like that. Not a lot of sleep. Lots of poo. Lots of wrapping my sweet boy in various blankets, then shedding said blankets when they got poo remnant on them.

He was able to have his scheduled vet visit yesterday. He had five teeth pulled because his mouth was a steaming dumpster fire. And they pumped him full of fluids and anti-nausea meds and pain meds and everything is fine.

Blessed be, he slept really hard last night, all cuddled up against my side.

I don’t even know how to tell the next part because I’m not 100% sure what happened. But at some point, Li’l Frank pooed in his sleep. And his booty area was near my hip … and some of the poo got under my waistband? And inside my pajamas?

Someone else crapped my pants.

And there was poo all over the bed and all over him and all over me and so I just got in the shower with my dog. As you do. He seemed to really enjoy it.

I have a couple of work projects due tomorrow, but I’m focused on scraping shit off of flannel sheets and washing, oh, every single item in my house and no, I don’t think that’s excessive and I don’t appreciate your tone.

You guys. He’s not even nine pounds. But the poo. Ohmygawd, the poo was everywhere.

At least we were both so tired that we didn’t roll over in our sleep. And at least Doritos no longer seem appetizing.

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  • Reply Sherilee Coffey December 8, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    Oh my gosh, I laughed out loud. And for a long time. Oh Li’l Frank, why you gotta be poopin’ so bad?!

    • Reply Becky Brown December 8, 2020 at 11:54 pm

      “Why you gotta be poopin’ so bad” is my new favorite response to, well, everything.

  • Reply Lenora Gaitan December 9, 2020 at 12:31 am

    OMDog! I am so sorry for Li’l Frank’s suffering and your hazmat level clean up needs, but this is HILARIOUS! I was just thinking a big ole squished up poop in a 2-yr-old’s pull-up was the worst (I had to clean that up Saturday, her legs and back, my hand and arm in addition to her poop-caked bottom), but at least she didn’t do it in MY pull-up! Plus, love the “gaping maw” reference!

  • Reply Ernie December 9, 2020 at 8:44 pm

    Oh, NOOO! Sorry for your, um, situation, but it did make me cackle. ‘As you do’ – slayed me. I didn’t know there was such a great way to share unfortunate incidents as this, but you nailed it. Godspeed as you attempt to get it all.

    • Reply Becky Brown December 9, 2020 at 11:06 pm

      HA! Thanks, Ernie. As long as we can laugh about it, it’s fine. OK, fine-ish.

  • Reply Melissa December 23, 2020 at 8:37 pm

    I don’t even know how it’s possible for something so small to produce so much mess! I admire you for gamely co-showering, though. That might become a nice regular bonding experience..think of what you could save on grooming expenses if he enjoys it!
    Poor pup. Poor you. Wash all the things–that’s what we do!

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