Blessings.

Sitting in the car in the parking lot of the emergency vet ain’t got nothin’ on sitting in the car of the parking lot of the holistic vet. Especially after the holistic vet kindly yet firmly tells you that holistic treatments take a few weeks to kick in … and your dog doesn’t have a few weeks. In fact, your sweet pup is so dehydrated that she has maybe a week.

While I sat in the emergency vet parking lot and was all pensive? I sat in the holistic vet parking lot and sobbed. I was matching Lady Doodle in the mucus-production department.

It had been a while since I cried in my car. Much like folks who nose-pick with abandon while behind the wheel, I always feel like my car is a safety zone where no one can see me. But I’m sure lots of people saw me losing my shit. And I don’t even care.

We had the option of taking Lady Doodle to the vet school 2 hours away and dropping her off. She’d get knocked out every day for radiation, and maybe some nice vet student would take her home at night. For 3 weeks. And maybe she’d go blind, and maybe she’d get an extra 10 months out of the deal.

Except that sounds horrible. And when you’re dealing with a dog who hasn’t eaten anything of substance in almost a week? It’s time for a reality check.

We celebrated when she’d eat some ice chips.

She wouldn’t or couldn’t get off the bed. Until she did, and she was ready to do her favorite thing in the entire universe: play catch.

We were so lucky that she had some truly joyous moments in her last days.

Notice the 3-point stance. Girl had always been known for her speed off the line.

Ain’t no mucus or fentanyl patch gonna slow this girl down. Look at that focus!

She couldn’t stand to put anything in her mouth except for a gooey tennis ball. So we played. And prayed. And cried.

Friday morning, My Guy, Big Doodle, and I took our girl to the vet. She had her blanket, and we all laid on the floor around her. And she just drifted off.

I know she is free – free of pain, free to finally eat, free to play catch with abandon. We were blessed to have such a good bad dog. I mean, she ate yet another library book just last week. We were blessed that she wasn’t sick for a long time, and strangely blessed that it all happened so fast.

We are heartbroken and shell-shocked. Blessing or not, she was diagnosed with cancer 5 days before she died. What the holy hell?

All of us – me, My Guy, Big Doodle, and the 2 dachshund terrors – are moping around the house, unsure of what to do. It’s different now, and not quite right. We know it was the right thing, the only compassionate option. But we are heartbroken.