Tonight, I had a fancypants pedicure. Like, with a reflexology massage and everything. The lady was so nice, but at one point she did ask how long it had been since my last pedicure.
“By someone that’s not me?”
I thought carefully. “About a year?”
Which is a total lie! It’s been at least two years. No wonder I’m single. I’ve been walking around with the podiatrical (is that even a word? it should be) equivalent of a snaggletooth.
The kids? They are not amused. I make them wipe their paws every single time they come in the house. Why am I not held up to the same standards?
It’s not fair.