In which I get fired for talking shit.

Or, saying “shit,” to be more accurate.

Today, as I was walking out of my building at Mega Corporate Behemoth, heading to lunch, I saw a familiar face. It was my contact at the contracting company that placed me at Mega Corporate Behemoth.

Contracting Guy and I chatted on the sidewalk a bit, and then he mentioned that Mega Corporate Behemoth had decided to terminate my contract. Because I am not a good fit. After 2 months of menial work and conversations during which I said that I needed work, was willing and able to help, and was actually creating projects for myself, all to zero response? Last week, I told my manager that I was “underutilized and felt like no one gave a shit that I was there.”

People, I sayeth the truth.

And I got shit canned. For saying “shit.”

Turns out said manager took issue with my attitude and felt I wasn’t a good fit.

So, there was Contracting Guy, interrupting my lunch plans. He was there to walk me back to my Cube of Despair and watch me pack up my shit, err, stuff, and escort me from the premises. Immediately. Because I just might completely fuck some shit, err, stuff, up!

As he watched me throw my box of Kleenex into my messenger bag, Contracting Guy actually said to me, “Listen, I’m gonna break with protocol a little bit. I’m not supposed to leave you unattended, but I need to use the restroom. Try not to go all Exorcist while I’m gone, OK?”

Umm, sure, buddy.

So, I managed not to act like an idiot in those 3 unattended minutes. I walked out with my head held high, even when we walked past a conference room where all the managers from my team were meeting. I made a point to be laughing and engrossed in conversation with Contracting Guy as we passed the open conference room door, because come on.

As Contractor Guy got me all the way to my car without me breaking shit, err, stuff, or stealing anything, I told him that when he goes to fill that position again, he should look for someone young, someone who doesn’t ask a lot of questions.

I’m too seasoned to waste my time. Which is why I’m currently drinking beer. And trying to overlook my bruised ego.