I had the humbling experience of receiving two very kind, very generous e-mails today. Both messages lauded me for being an authentic, honest blogger.
By “authentic and honest,” I’m assuming both of these friends meant “mute and MIA.”
I’m more than a bit disappointed in the volume of my writing as of late. I look at the post counts from last year and think, “Ah, those were the days! 30 posts in one month – I really had it going on!” And I forget that yeah, I posted 30 times in one month … a month in which I didn’t really leave my house. My main activities were knitting, blogging, and nursing a broken heart.
And now? Now, life is coming at me at the speed of … well, at the speed of a really high-quality Internet connection. And I just don’t have the time or the energy to post like I think I should. I’m too busy doing. I’m swamped at work. I have a lovely albeit time-consuming second job planning a wedding. I like to do crazy things like spend time with my fiance. And yet?
And yet, I am still attempting to not learn the very valuable lesson that My Guy would teach me if I’d just pull my head out of my ass and fucking pay attention.
That lesson is compassion.
I feel like I’m doing everything half-assed. I’m having moments of freak-out over the wedding. The pile of work at Corporate Behemoth continues to grow. My house is a mess and all of my produce has gone bad. I feel like a fuck up.
And yet? This kind man still loves me. And when I confessed that I didn’t think I was being a very good friend to myself? He said, “I’m so glad to hear you say that. You’re such a good friend and so understanding and compassionate. You need to cut yourself some slack.”
So, this is me being honest. And attempting a cease-fire in the war with myself. And asking to hear from all you other my-own-worst-enemies out there: how do you engage in peace talks between the warring factions in your brain?